Self-Insert Masochism
by zeno518
Summary: I wake up in Republic City. A realistic self-insert where I act as I would in real life, usually ending with me getting my ass kicked. Along the way I try to influence the plot as LITTLE as possible, a shame people keep dragging me along into the plot. I wonder how long it takes before I get chi blocked?
1. Chapter 1

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism

**Author's Note: I have officially gone and committed fanfic writer blasphemy. I actually caved to my accursed muse and actually let her convince me to write this. Granted I'm stuck with her until I find the Mai to my Zuko, she does give me inspiration when I need it most. I promise it's not gonna be one of **_**those **_**fics…**

…

…

…

…

…

**No, seriously it won't**

**[3/27/13: Edited some stuff, punctuation issues, words cut short, italics, etc.]**

Chapter 1: Wakin' up in Republic City…sucks

"_Wanna hear about my day so far little guy?_

…_If not I'll just tell you anyway…_

…_After all, it's not like I've got anything better to do than wait until someone comes and gets me out whilst I'm sitting in this dank cell…_

…_It all started about three hours ago, little buddy…_"

"_I thought I was hallucinating at first. That cold autumn morning, and the crappy excuse for a blanket covering me were not helping me in the slightest then it hit me. Cold autumn morning and crappy blanket? Last night I went to bed on the couch in my living room with the most comfortable blanket ever woven in the history of mankind, not some hard plank and moth eaten excuse of a tarp! I got to my feet rather quickly and looked around me; I was definitely not in my living room. I held my head and began slapping myself trying to wake up from what was clearly going to be a nightmare. No such luck there, I looked for something that would tell me where I was but I ended up just finding newspapers in Chinese characters that started to rearrange themselves and float off of the page._

'_Okay…' I tittered fearfully as I crumpled up the newsprint and tossed it to the end of the alley_

_I was starting to think that I was having one of those 'eating a week old pizza before bed' type of dreams, especially when I stepped out of the alley and saw the old school cars driving up and down the streets._

'_Oh shit.' I said to myself_

"_I started walking down the streets and I only stopped when I saw my reflection in the glass of some phonograph shop about three blocks from the alley I woke up in. I was wearing a newsboy cap, a button up shirt, those kind of pants with the suspenders, black shoes of some kind, I didn't have any kind of coat and the cold was finally getting to me. I rubbed my arms, trying to regain any semblance of warmth. That's when I spotted a semi-familiar looking old man inside the shop. At the time I didn't realize who the old man was, or where I had seen him before but I wasn't sure where…_

"_I decided to walk inside the store to figure out wherever the hell I was, and maybe find a job or something. So I walked into the store and got a better look at the old man, still didn't remember where the hell he was from._

'_May I help you, young man?' he asked_

'_Umm…' smooth, right? 'Yeah, c-could you tell me where am I exactly?'_

"_Yeah, I stutter when I'm panicky. Dear lord that was lame. I kinda wish I could go back and say_

'_Sure thing! Could you tell me where the fuck I am because I just woke up in an alley in this weird-ass getup and have no fucking idea how I got here!'_

"_You know what that actually sounded kind of douchebag-ish…_

_Forget what I said, it was probably for the best that I said that. Anyway, he gave me this funny look, like a 'Are you serious?' look. And then he started laughing at me_

_"You're in my phonograph shop, my boy." He said in between chuckles_

"_I-I m-mean what city, sir." I stuttered "I j-just woke up in some alley, and I have now i-idea of how I got here."  
_

_The man stopped laughing and looked at me as if I were about to start something "Have you been hitting that opium?"_

'_O-op-opium?' I asked 'Y-you've got it all wrong I don't do drugs…'_

"_The man got a broomstick and started swinging at me 'I have enough problems as it is! I don't need tweakers coming in to my store as well!'_

"_Damn, that old man could swing a broom like Bonds could swing a bat! It hurt like hell too, I think that's where the beating started, but it sure as hell wasn't all just one old man and a broom. Nope it was the three guys that pulled up in a sweet hot rod. The old man stopped hitting me as soon as he saw the car, and he looked like he was about to shit himself when the three guys walked out. One looked like he didn't have the capacity for thought and was wearing some kind of green get up he was standing to the left of this one guy with some pale outfit and (actually badass looking) fedora, and on the right of that guy was some skinny guy with a red scarf. He was saying something to the old man that just beat me with that broomstick of his, the old guy brought out a phonograph as collateral or something. Clearly these guys were in some kind of mod type of thing and this old man was getting his for bashing my head in with that broom of his. But, then again, I did sound like I was barely coming out of some kind of stupor and it wouldn't be much of a stretch to come to the conclusion that I was on drugs..._

"_Damn I hate my conscience. So I did the arguably dumbest thing I have ever done in my entire life; I actually took a swing at a gangster. Not a punch though, I just grabbed the broomstick that the old man dropped when these bastards showed up and swung downward, katana style, on the guy with the hat. All the while the theme song from The Boondocks was playing through my head. Right then and there I was feeling like a badass. Hell, I even got into a crappy excuse for a kendo pose and tried to scare them off_

'_Pick on someone your own size you punk ass mother-'_

"_Yeah I got hit in the gut for that, and not by a human fist. The Hulk wannabe chucked a huge friggin' stone at me. I'm not sure how, seeing as how there were no loose bricks or otherwise on the street. Anyways then some guy, I'm assuming it was the fedora dude, starting whipping me, my guess is he had a riding crop or something stashed under his jacket, and he sounded pissed as he whipped the hell out of me, now I've been in four fights prior to this one and up until this point they were relatively the same; of course all four of those fights ended with me face down on the pavement. Hey! Just like this one!_

"_So yeah that's right around when I heard some girl, with an eerily familiar voice I might add, start talking smack to the three thugs. Now, I'm not entirely sure what she said, but I know fighting words, or at least the tone of them, when I hear them. About a minute of what sounded like a one-sided fight I heard someone get in a car and sped off before apparently hitting something. That's when I was starting to black out, the last thing I heard was the shopkeeper saying_

_'Did she just earthbend?'_

_Yeah I'm pretty sure he didn't say that…_

_I mean, I'm probably in some kind of idiotic dream right? There's no possible way I could end up in the Avatar universe, right? _

_Anyway, that's when I woke up about a half hour later…_

"_First thing I see when my eyes open is a blinding white light, not that "light at the end of the tunnel", nope just that ungodly bright light in hospitals across time and space. I tried to lift my arms, fully expecting extreme pain, but found that they were restrained by something. I looked over and saw my left wrist was handcuffed to the railing of a cot, my right wrist was heavily bandaged and my legs were restrained with old school leather belt restraints. I looked down and saw that I was still in the old school getup from earlier. I tried pulling on the hand cuffs like they do in the movies, and surprisingly enough they came loose. EAT THAT MOVIE PEOPLE! So I undid the leather restraints and then noticed that my gut was still in pain, I guess I wasn't as lucky as I thought. Just then a nurse or doctor showed up, she looked like it was normal for people to try and escape hospital rest._

'_Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to get back on the cot.' She says_

'_Uhhh…' Yeah I couldn't think of a legitimate excuse to get out this situation except for… 'Look it's the Goodyear blimp!'_

_She looked and I made a break for it, screw the pain I'm outta here._

_She called for some orderlies and I was already halfway out the door. When I got outside I saw craploads more old cars and even more people in 20's gear, I started running and gunning towards the bay._

_Why? You know I'm still not sure. Maybe it's because I share fond memories of times I went to Dillon's Beach and Bodega Bay as a child, or perhaps I figured I'd get slammed and wake up from this nightmare. Or at least I was hoping that it was a nightmare. Whilst I was running I had the strangest feeling that I was about to get well acquainted with one of Scorpion's signature moves._

_I felt something wrap around my leg was pulling it backwards; I hit the floor and tried to grab onto something but ended up nearly getting my fingers ripped out of their sockets. I flipped over and saw a man in metal armor with cables coming out of his gauntlets_

'_Boy' He said with a sardonic smirk 'There a reason you just run out of a hospital?'_

_I groaned in pain as he jabbed my ribs with his boot 'Cause from up here it looks like you've done gone hurt yourself'"_

_Did you know that pain, two epic fails in the same day, and adrenaline actually make a good instant smartass potion?_

'_Well, I figured it was such a lovely day that I decided to go out for a jog officer.' I said 'After all I wouldn't want to get as fat as your mother, who I might add was so fat that earthquakes are caused by her getting out of bed.'_

_He was not pleased. Not at all, in fact he was so pissed off that he decked me in the face. I think I've officially broken my personal record for consecutive dumb as shit decisions by now. It was actually a big surprise that I survived a metal punch to the face by a pissed off cop"_

"Yeah, I'm gonna skip the clearly irrelevant time period that consists of my unconsciousness and skip to now…" said a clearly battered and bruised young man "…so now I'm in a holding cell talking to you about how my day has gone, so what do you think?"

The young man's conversation partner was a kangaroo rat (in that it was a marsupial rodent that bounced around like a kangaroo would) that somehow got into the cells and decided to stick around with the young man for some reason. The little critter hopped down from his head and into the hands of this prisoner. It looked up at the young man and started doing a little dance of sorts

The young man chuckled "That's pretty _kawaii _you know?" the kangaroo rat skittered up the young man's arm and gave him a curious glance "Oh, pardon my Japanese."

The gate out opened and the kangaroo rat scurried off to his little hole in the cell, in walked another metal-suited cop.

"So..." The cop said "You mind telling us your name? Because if you're not then we're just gonna label you as 'Taro Yamada' and no one is going to claim you."

The young man shrugged and got to his feet, he walked over to the bars and held up his arms "Take these cuffs off and then I'll talk." He said lamely and with a cheeky grin

The cop on the other side of the bars laughed "You're a smartass, aren't you?"

"Only on Tuesdays." The young man replied "Or when I get the crap kicked out of me."

"Is that the reason why you insulted Officer Wulong's mother?"

"Well, yeah." Nodded the young man "I didn't think he'd get all butt hurt about it."

"Hmm…"

"What?"

"You seem like an OK kid." Said the officer "Why don't you just tell me your name?"

The young man had to think fast, if he were to tell him his real name the officer would either think he was crazy or was lying. He decided to think of a couple names from the hours and hours of anime he watched and manga he read. He just said the first name and surname he could think of

"Kaito Hayashi."

"Ocean flying forest." The officer nodded his head in acceptance "Odd name."

"My parents named me after my great grandfather." He said

It was true, he was named after his great grandfather, who was also the namesake of the young man's father. But he doubted that Jr. was even a title in this land of Asian culture.

"I guess they thought that he would lift islands over the sea…"

"So you're from the Earth Kingdom?" asked the policeman

The young man looked at his skin and pondered his fictional backstory a bit "Not exactly."

"Care to explain."

"Well, uhh…" the young man stuttered "You see…"

The officer held up his hand and shook his head "Say no more, touchy subjects are best left untouched."

The cop chuckled at his own pun "Forgive the pun, please."

"So what's your name officer?"

The cop stopped chuckling and stood at attention "My name's-"

The door swung open and a grey haired woman in a different metal suit than the other officers came into the holding cell block, the officer stood at attention and turned away from the prisoner

"What have I said about fraternizing with prisoners, Officer Harada?"

"To not to sir-ma'am!" he quickly rectified his statement

"So why do you keep doing it?" said the woman who was clearly in charge

"Well…" said the officer "I got him to tell me his name."

The woman rolled her eyes "At least something came out of your incompetence."

The woman stepped up to the bars and looked down at the young man

"I am Lin Beifong, police chief of the Republic City Metalbending Police."

The young man had realized that he was in Republic City the minute he saw Officer Harada's uniform. So it was no surprise to him when she introduced herself, what was surprising was that she decided to grace him with her intimidating presence.

"So why would the chief of police come and talk to someone who has done nothing major to land in a holding cell?" he said "Don't you have better things to do, like maybe lording your metal asses over the non-benders of this fair city?"

She opened the cell door and pulled the young man toward her by the collar of his shirt

"I was just kidding!" he whipers "Seriously, I'm just a little insignificant excuse of a person, please don't hurt me!"

The young man was crying for dear life, it was quite comical to be honest, had he eaten or drank anything he probably would have lost control of his bowels by now

The police chief let go of the young man and pinched the bridge of her nose in exasperation

"The only reason you're in a holding cell is so you wouldn't run off before we can get you to identify some suspects in a lineup…"

The young man stopped crying "So I'm not going to go to jail?" he simpered

"Of course not."

The young man was overjoyed and attempted to hug the police chief, but realized he still had his shackles on "Uhh…"

The police chief got the message and nodded to the officer on duty, he metalbent the shackles off and saluted to the chief

"Thank you Officer Harada." Said the young man with a hug

"Ummm…"

"Oh! Sorry!" the young man let go and then attempted to give a hug to the chief, who promptly stomped on his toes and started dragging him by the ear out of the holding cell block

"We have no time for your shenanigans!"

"Ow! Those are attached you know!"

Lin Beifong dragged this strange young man to identify suspects in that room where victims are given a lineup.

"Can you identify the three men that assaulted you earlier this morning, Mister?" asked the chief as she shoved the young man towards the glass and looked to her junior officer

"His name is Kaito Hayashi, ma'am."

"No need to be pushy." Muttered Kaito, as he finally managed to settle on having people call him by that name. He took a look at the nine gentleman on the other side and spotted the three thugs from the phonograph shop

"Numbers five, one, and eight." He said "Those jaggoffs kicked my ass this morning after they tried to rob an old man or something."

Kaito looked over to the chief and the chief nodded to Officer Harada.

"So what's gonna happen now, ma'am?" asked Kaito "Am I free to go?"

Chief Lin gave him, what appeared to him, a look of concern "Just make sure you don't pick a fight with anymore triads, ok?"

That look, if it actually existed and was not a product of "Kaito's" imagination, puzzled him extremely.

"Yes ma'am." He said before walking towards the lobby

As he walked into the lobby he spotted a young woman with dark skin, about two shades darker than his own, in some kind of blue buckskin getup. She was talking to a man in an orange robe with a blue arrow tattoo on his forehead and a dangerously pointy beard about something, probably important by how she was standing. As soon as he heard the young woman mention the words "Tenzin, Avatar, and airbending" he immediately realized who she was

"Oh shit." He whimpered to himself

Kaito figured if he just held his head down he could just sneak by them without drawing any attention to himself and inadvertently causing the unraveling and destruction of a beloved series. And he did just that; he kept his hands in his pockets, turned his gaze to the floor and began walking towards the door. He made sure to avoid lifting his head up and just focused on putting one foot in front of the other. He resisted the little voice in his head telling him to turn the hell around, grow a pair, and talk to her. He was pretty sure that was the devil side of his conscious. But fate, the universe, and everything in between had other plans for this geekboy. As he was nearly to the door he heard a loud clanking

"Hey, Kaito!" called Officer Harada as he run up to the young man "The chief wanted you to leave your home address in case we need to contact you."

Kaito stopped and turned to the officer "Uhhh…"

"So where do you live, man?" said the officer "Hurry it up I've got a hot date to go to right after this."

"I uh, actually don't have a place to live." He said, omitting the fact that he woke up in an alleyway not three and a half hours ago

"Oh, well good." Said Officer Harada "Because I'm also supposed to hand this to…"

The officer turned and walked over to the orange robed man and handed him an envelope "…you councilman Tenzin."

The airbender cocked his brow at the officer

"It's from the chief, sir." He said "She said it involves this boy right here."

Officer Harada pointed to the Kaito but quickly noticed the young man was trying to sneak out the door, he used one of his metalbending lines to reel him in. He yelped as the lines wrapped around his waist and dragged him to the place he was avoiding. Tenzin had been reading the letter and the young woman that was with him was looking at the clearly frightened young man. As she looked him over, his eyes started darting across the lobby, hoping that she would stop staring and not notice his face getting red.

"Hey…" she said "You're that guy from earlier, the one that tried to defend that old man!"

Kaito whimpered and looked away from the hot as hell chick in front of him and decided to completely ignore her in hopes that she would stop looking at him

"What's wrong, can't you talk?"

Kaito did the only thing that he possibly could to get her to stop talking to him "I'm a drug addict, I'm a serial killer, I'm a stalker…"

She just blinked in confusion

"Does that not make you want to shun me in any way at all?" he said

The girl just laughed "You're funny."

"If I told you I stare at people while they sleep would you believe me?"

"No." she said while crossing her arms "You're not a very good liar…"

Kaito hang his head in defeat while stretching out his hand for her to shake it "My name's Kaito, what's yours…" he drolled even though he knew who this girl was

Korra shook his hand and gave him a crushing squeeze, not realizing the strength difference "I'm Korra."

"YOW!"

**Here it is, laugh at my pain. Kaito is the name I chose for my alias in Republic City. He will not become a god, a master of kung-fu, or the best at anything in this fanfic. He has all of my abilities excluding the ability to lie with a straight face and my outright badassery.**

**I'm kidding I am no badass.**

**This fanfic will feature: Laughs, love, jokes at my/Kaito's expense, sadist humor and of course a self-insert that just wants to not influence anything or anyone in the story. Of course he may or may not, keep in mind if I slowly begin drifting into Mary Sue/Gary Stu territory than someone really need to bitch slap me in a review! Kaito will sometimes throwsa random Japanese word or phrase in his sentences, which will be explained by Kaito Exhibition himself…**

**And if you're interested in RPing you can check out The United Forum in the Legend of Korra forums section. I moderate it and we could use some more RPers!**

**Asta!**


	2. Chapter 2 Part 1

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except for myself; Legend of Korra belongs to Mike and Bryan**

Chapter 2: I'm a rock on the wind! Watch how I drop! What do you mean this is only the first half!?

Kaito Hayashi (which was not his real name) a half-Earth Kingdom half-Water Tribe (which was not his true nationality nor race) of somewhere in the Earth Kingdom (a place he was not really from) was sweeping the leaves around the courtyards of Air Temple Island, a task that most would consider boring, useless, and/or frustrating. Kaito however looked at it differently; it was a way to pass the time, a way to contribute while being held on the island against his will, and of course it offered him a reprieve from the Air babies. Of course to understand why he was on Air Temple Island against his will you would have to backtrack to the day before, right after he met Korra…

(The Day Before)

Just after Korra introduced herself to Kaito, he attempted to make an escape while she was talking with Tenzin about…stuff. He was doing a nosferatu walk hoping that he wouldn't be noticed; he managed to put his hand on the door before being pulled back, violently, by a sudden gust of wind. The wind spun him around and in front of him was a clearly peeved Airbender with his arms crossed.

"And where do you think _you're _going?" he asked

"Uhhhhhh…" said Kaito "Albuquerque?"

Korra looked confused, and Tenzin cocked an eyebrow

"Where's that?" asked Korra

Kaito opened his mouth to speak but Tenzin interrupted him "What did you do?"

Kaito was confused "Huh?"

"What did you do?" asked Tenzin, his face getting red in anger "Lin is sticking you with me for protective custody!"

"And this is a bad thing, why?" asked Kaito "I thought you Airbender were all about peace, love, and smoking a bold now and then?"

Tenzin looked like his head was about to burst like the vampires in the first Blade movie (you know when they had that stuff injected in them and they a 'splode? That part…)

Needless to say he was not well liked by Tenzin; he even tried to convince his children and wife that the odd young man was a dangerous criminal…

They didn't believe him.

So to avoid the drama that would spawn of the infernal combination that is Tenzin and Kaito, Kaito volunteered to sweep up around the courtyards. He enjoyed the solace that came from just sweeping the leaves around the temple. He imagined that he was back at the beach house that his grandparents had rented one summer when they all went to Dillon's and that he was sweeping away the sand that wound up on the decks. The illusion would often vanish whenever he would look up and see the skyscrapers of Republic City. Eventually he got tired of looking at the skyscrapers and just walked back inside the temple for breakfast. He managed to get a bowl of whatever… slop they were serving. He sat down next to Korra, who was reading a newspaper and then he realized that Tenzin was sitting opposite of them.

"Mornin' Kaito." Said Korra

"Good morning, Korra." Said Kaito before turning to Tenzin "Tenzin."

"Kaito." Tenzin growled in reply

The Airbender and the…"normal?" guy were glaring daggers at each other.

If it were an anime scene, Kaito thought to himself, their eyes would be shooting lightning at each other

"You've got some stuff on your collar there…" said Kaito as he pointed to a spot directly south of the man's extremely pointy beard. The Airbender looked down and his nose was flicked upward. Shocked, Tenzin looked up and saw Kaito, his index finger outstretched. Kaio blew on the tip of his finger, as if it were the barrel of a smoking gun and holstered his hand. Tenzin began stammering and looking over to Korra for support and utter acknowledgement that Kaito was an unsavory deviant!

What he got instead was Korra reading the sports page.

"Hey guys, listen to this." Korra said as she started reading from the paper

Kaito semi-knew the next part, and just tuned her out as he ate some of the slop. He did look at the smug photo of a familiar young man on the opposite page of what Korra was reading and he surrounding characters. He started seeing the characters float off of the page, only this time he didn't freak out and just focused on the trippy thing in front of him. As the characters flew of the page they began warping and rearranging themselves before sticking themselves onto the newsprint, this time in English!

The text around the smug bastard's photo read "Tahno, captain of the Wolfbats, he has led his team to victory for the past three years in a row."

While he was internally amazed by the fact that he could read Chinese characters now (semi), he was still wondering how the hell he was gonna get of the island and where the hell he would go afterwords. He suddenly had the feeling someone was talking to him.

"Kaito?"

"Hmm?"

"You're kinda spacing out there…"

Kaito blinked a few times and turned to the person talking to him, big surprise it was Korra

"Just thinking about stuff." He said "What were you saying?"

"I was just about to ask Tenzin…" she look at him "If we could all go to the arena and catch a pro-bending match."

"That sport is-"

"An utter perversion of the noble tradition of bending?" finished Kaito with a smirk "That's what you were about to say, right?"

"Not necessarily." Said Tenzin with a growl

"So that's a no on the Pro-Bending game?" asked Kaito "because if it is you are officially the most Earthbender like Airbender I've ever seen…"

Tenzin nodded "Yes."

Korra's face brightened "So we can go?"

"No." Tenzin replied

"Then why'd you say yes?" asked Korra

"I was acknowledging what Kaito just said…"

"You mean how you're the most Earthbender like Airbender and how you use your beard to pop balloons at parties because you're the biggest buzzkill/killjoy in the whole friggin' universe?" said Kaito, all in one breath "Because that just goes without saying…"

Tenzin growled in annoyance and got up in a huff "Come along, Korra you have airbending training."

Korra got up and followed Tenzin out the door; she waved to Kaito "See ya." She mouthed to him. Soon it was just Kaito at the table alone with his slop. He decided to test out his newfound ability to read Chinese characters by reading the left behind newspaper. Of course he decided to read it while heading over to the spinning gates from the crappy movie so he could watch the epic fails to ensue, despite the promise he had made to himself that he would try not to influence the plot in any way. He clearly needs some help…

So Kaito read up on the current events in Republic City and actually learned a few things

"_Level up._" He heard a voice say in the back of his mind

Suddenly he felt enormous power swelling withing him, making his muscles bigger, his hair spikier, and his awesomeness increased tenfold!

"I have the power!" he shouted

He opened his eyes and saw the Air Acolytes look at him in confusion. Apparently he had just imagined all of that and he actually said 'I have the power' out loud, needless to say he walked away feeling quite foolish. He was wondering if the beatings from the day before had anything to do with it, or maybe he was just having a more intense flight of fancy than usual. So when he arrived at the airbending training courtyard-thingy his face was as red as a beet. Luckily, no one noticed that his face was read as he observed Korra epic fail her way through the spinning gates…

Later that night he was lying down on the bed in the room that Tenzin had so _graciously _allowed him to stay in; he could hear Korra trying to airbend a photo of Chief Beifong.

"That won't work." He whispered to himself "Airbending doesn't come from aggression…"

"So what does it come from?" he heard a small feminine voice say

Kaito shot up out of his bed and looked around the room, he found no source for the voice. "Who's there?"

"Me of course." Said the voice

Kaito looked around the room and found no one "God?"

"Nope." Said the voice "Down here."

He looked down and saw a girl that looked about six inches tall. With blue hair, blue eyes, a headband with a huge blue gem on it, wearing some kind of white and blue outfit.

"Aoki Lapis?" said Kaito

The little fairy girl floated up to his face and nodded, she flew over to his right shoulder and sat upon it.

"Yup." She said "In the flesh."

Kaito gave her a sideways glance "How could you be in the flesh if you're not real?"

Lapis looked positively peeved, she flew up to his face and put her hands on her hips "If I weren't real, could I do this?"

She reeled back and her hands started to glow

"LAPIS SMASH!" she shouted (cutely) while driving her palms into his forehead, causing about the force of a playful slap. Still left a mark though and it did slam his head against the backboard of his bed

"Ow…" groaned Kaito

"How's that for real?" she said sassily while floating in front of his face

Kaito groaned and sat up, rubbing his head along the way "Ok, I'll bite. You're real and in front of me. Why?"

Lapis took out a little badge from…somewhere and flashed it open "I'm with the Conscience Enforcement Agency, _Moe_ Division!"

Kaito blinked twice "Wait a sec, that's from Megatokyo."

He pointed to the little fairy diva "And you're a Vocaloid…"

Lapis span around with her arms outstretched "And this is Republic City from Legend of Korra, what's your point?"

Kaito sighed "This is starting to sound like bad self-insert fanfiction."

Lapis nodded

"So why'd they send you, if you don't mind me asking."

Lapis yawned "Because they knew that you'd listen to me."

Kaito scoffed "Yeah right, I don't even listen to my mother. What makes you think I'd listen to you?"

Lapis floated up to his face, turned the _moe _-ness to eleven and struck the cutest pose she could "Please~ _onii-tan~_?"

_Lapis used Super Moe Pose!_

_It's Super Effective!_

_Critical Hit_

_Kaito was knocked out!_

Kaito could not resist the might of the little _moe _girl in front of him "Ok." He sighed in defeat

"You got me; curse my _otaku_ weakness…" he bowed his head in defeat. "So why exactly do I need a physical representation of my conscience?"

The little blue girl flew back onto his left shoulder "Because you're extremely indecisive at the best of times, and I'm here to keep you from getting your butt kicked again."

Kaito got out of bed and started walking "Hmm…"

"No clue what to do already?" asked the little fairy girl

"I'm gonna go try and piss off Tenzin…" said Kaito "Possibly by getting a midnight snack."

Lapis shook her head and zapped his neck, it tickled him a little, but he got the message "Bad, _onii-tan _." She scolded

"Fine then, what should I do?" he asked his _moe _conscience

Lapis put on some blue lens-less glasses and brought out a little notepad, she began reading it and then pointed to one of the items on the list "Well, 'help along the plot without changing anything major' sounds like a good plan." The _moe _fairy said cheerfully

Kaito shot a glare at Lapis "Umm, Aoki-_san_…"

Lapis zapped his neck again "No need for formality _onii-tan_ if I'm to be your conscience then you need to be comfortable around me, that means you can go ahead and call me Lapis-_chan _or Lapis _-pon _if you'd like."

Kaito sighed, things were getting more and more complicated by the minute in his eyes "Ok then, Lapis-_chan _…" he sighed

"Here's the deal, if I join in on this little _fiesta _then I'm probably gonna end up doing something (something extremely stupid) that screws the plot in the ass."

Lapis crossed her arms and legs "Like what, Kaito_-nii_?"

Kaito looked around and began walking towards where he was fairly sure those White Lotus Society mooks were listening to that pro bending game.

"Well, I dunno like something as trivial as me being within the same general vicinity of Mako and Korra could possibly make them not have their _telenovella _romance or something like that."

Kaito looked to Lapis and saw her, still with those cute little glasses that made her the cutest _meganekko _he had ever seen, nod her head in understanding

"Tough toffee, you're still tagging along." She says playfully "Or do I have to go super _moe _on you?"

Kaito sighed again, now he was starting to get how Mai from Last Airbender felt like with the continuous sighing. It was actually quite tiring to sigh so many times in succession…

"So I have to be one of those crappy self-insert characters in those crappy self-insert fics, where the author makes himself or herself out to be some kind of god but I don't have that luxury?"

"Pretty much."

"This is gonna suck isn't it?"

Lapis nodded


	3. Chapter 2 Part 2

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism

**A/N: Sorry I had to cut Chapter 2 into two parts. But there were some issues with my computer and I had to do**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except for myself; Legend of Korra belongs to Mike and Bryan**

Chapter 2: I'm a rock on the wind! Watch how I drop! Yay, it's the second half!

And so the newcomer and his conscience walked over to the only room on the island where there was a friggin' group of White Lotuses listening to the radio. He spotted Tenzin heading that way and whispered to the White Lotus sentries

"Tenzin's heading this way." He whispers, the crappy guards turned off the radio and then acted like they were doing something productive, while he heard some clattering on the balcony roof. He smirked and turned around, coming face first to a very irritated looking Tenzin. Kaito looks up and almost pokes his forehead on the absurdly pointy beard of the airbending master.

"Evening Tenzin, what brings you to this part of the island?" Kaito says and then realizes that Lapis was still on his shoulder, he looks down and she puts a finger up to her lips

"What are you looking at?" Tenzin asks with contempt

"My conscience." Says Kaito with a straight face

Tenzin scoffs and lightly airbends Kaito out of the way "As if you have a conscience…"

Lapis snickers and Kaito rolls his eyes as Tenzin checks the room. He doesn't seem to find what he's looking for and he leaves.

(Heh leaves… title gag.)

Kaito walks passed the guards and feebly attempts to climb up onto the roof, using the pitiful amount of upper body strength

"What I wouldn't give to be in John Carter's shoes right about now…" he mutters to himself

"Who's John Carter?" says Korra right in front of his face. Having an extremely attractive girl just pop up within inches of a straight guy's face usually will cause three things; One, severe blushing, Two, screaming like that of a little girl, and Three, letting go of the balcony the straight guy is holding on to. This meant that Kaito was about to land in a very pointy looking bush. That is until the Southern Water Tribe gal grabbed his arms, saving him from a fate of painful protrusions in and around his never pompous posterior.

"Whoa there…" she says with a playful grin "How's it hanging?"

Kaito rolled his eyes "You really had to go there didn't you?"

Korra smirked "Yeah, I did."

"Could ya lift me up then?" he asked

She smiled and pulled him up to the roof. He stumbled but managed to gain his bearings when Korra pulled him away from the edge

"Thanks…" he mutters while covering his face, attempting to hide his blush

Korra giggles at him "Well aren't you bashful?" she chuckles

Kaito walked past her and sat down on the rooftop, just looking out at the city and its lights reflecting off of the bay. Korra sat a chaste distance away from him and then decided to move a little closer. Kaito noticed this and scooted about half an inch away, discreetly. The silence was deafening, for Lapis anyway. The _moe _conscience floated up to her ward's ear and whispered into it

"Say something, _baka-nii_!" she says

Kaito just gave his conscience a confused look

"Thanks for helping me out back there…" says Korra

"Huh? Wha?" stammers Kaito as he turned to Korra

"When you told those White Lotus guys that Tenzin was coming…" she says "

"Oh that?" said Kaito nervously while rubbing the back of his head (which he didn't exactly know why he did, he just figured it was what most anime protagonists would do in his situation "It was nothing, I mean he was probably gonna chew those guys out just for listening to a pro-bending match. I didn't even know that you were up there…"

"Well, it was still sweet of you." She says to him

Kaito blushes and looks down at the bay.

"I thought I'd find you two here…" says a stern and familiar voice

The two teenagers turn around quickly to find Tenzin glaring down at them

"I already knew Korra was up here listening to the pro-bending match." Said Tenzin "And at the same time, it does not surprise me in the slightest that you would interfere with her training."

Kaito was about to say something rude, but Korra quickly said her piece

"But it was the White Lotus guys' radio, and you said I couldn't _watch _a match." She says "You didn't say anything about listening to one."

Tenzin began stammering and then composed himself "You know what I mean!"

Korra stood rather aloof while Kaito pointed at Tenzin's pointy beard "You've just been lawyered!"

Tenzin's face became quite red "Shouldn't you two be in bed?"

Before Kaito could say something witty he tripped own his own feet and fell off of the roof and onto the harsh and unforgiving concrete

"YOW!" he screams "I think I broke my coccyx!"

Korra raised an eyebrow and looked shocked at the same time "H-he b-broke his what?"

Tenzin sighed "His tailbone."

Lapis had managed to get off of the poor boy's shoulder before he fell off of the roof "I have my work cut out for me…" she sighed

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

The next morning Tenzin, Jinora, Ikki, Meelo, Korra, and Kaito were sitting in the lotus position under a meditation gazebo. Kaito was trying not to focus on the pain that now came with sitting down. Korra was trying to emulate everyone else and Kaito was sitting next to Meelo, trying not to look like he was in pain (he was) and his dear sweet _moe _conscience was in lotus position on her charge's head

"I think I'm doing it wrong." Says Korra

"What is there _to _do?" says Kaito, still in much pain "Meditation is the ultimate form of doing nothing."

"As much as I hate to admit it, he's right." Says Tenzin Let your mind and your spirit free, for air is the element of freedom…"

Korra waved her hands and chuckled while Kaito scoffed

"Is something funny Korra?"

Korra shoots Tenzin an angry glare "Yeah, you're telling me to embrace freedom, but you wont even let me listen to the radio. And forget about leaving this island!"

"She's got you there lord pointy beard." Says Kaito

"Please, Korra." Says Tenzin as he points to Meelo "Look at Meelo, he's able to mediate peacefully…"

Korra turns to Meelo and notices the bubble of snot growing and shrinking with his every breath

"Actually I think he's asleep." She says

Tenzin looks surprised "What? Well, at least he has the relaxing part down…"

Korra get's back into meditaion position, takes a deep breath, then sighs "Yeah, it's not sinking in yet."

She get's up and walks away "I'm gonna go get a glass of lychee juice."

"Korra, the meditation's not over yet!" Tenzin says sternly

She ignores him and keeps walking, Ikki smiles hopefully "Daddy, can I have some lychee juice too?"

"No." Tenzin replies firmly

Kaito looks at Meelo's snot bubble and slowly inches his index finger towards it

"I wouldn't do that if I were you…" sighs Jinora

Kaito shrugs, Lapis knows well enough to float as far away from his head as possible, and then he popped it

As soon as the snot bubble was popped Meelo pounced onto Kaito's head bit down, began scratching his face and growling like a rabid animal

"Ah! Ooh! Ah! This is like Tranzit mode all over again!" he yowls in pain "Where's the right stick? Why can't I shank? Get him off! Get him off!"

Meelo stops mauling Kaito, does a triple frontflip off of him, sticks the landing and then slumps back down into a lazy version of lotus and goes back to sleep, his snot bubble back up

"Uncage the beast…" he mumbles sleepily before falling backawards where he continues his nap

"Told you." Says Jinora

Kaito staggers to his feet "I think I'll join Korra." He whimpers

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

Later that evening, Kaito was lying down on his stomach, listening to Lapis talk about…stuff.

"So, what's your opinion on the status quo?" she asks him

"What, like the plot that's to come?" he replies "My opinion is that I'll either die or get my ass kicked eight ways to Sunday before she becomes a fully realized Avatar."

"Really?" she asks "You think that highly of your own abilities?"

"What abilities?" he asks "If I interfere with the plot there's a chance that she won't become a fully realized Avatar."

"What do you mean, Kaito-_nii_?"

"It means that if I interfere with any of her social links then there's a possibility that she won't go rank 10 with them and she won't clear her charkas." He says "I've looked into the fridge logic of this series, I know how she becomes a fully realized Avatar. The more I interact with her, the more likely it is that she'll end up broken and will have no way of ever fulfilling her destiny or something like that."

Kaito looks over to his conscience and finds her looking at her nails

"Did you listen to a word I just said?" he asks

"Yeah, but all I heard was 'blah, blah, blah, pessimism, pessimism, self-depreciation' and you wangsting about something that you really shouldn't." she says "You're here, you've been thrust into the plot, and there's nothing you can do to stop it."

She floats over to her charge and lifts his head up with both arms "And you've got me to help out along the way."

Kaito sighs and sits up "I guess you're right…"

"You know I am." She says as she floats onto his right shoulder

"But what about the whole 'the more I interact with her' thing?"

"We'll cross that bridge once we reach it." She says "Besides, I highly doubt you could possibly screw up the plot that much."

Before Kaito could reply he heard a peck at his window.

"What the hell?" he mutters to himself

He opened the window and a pebble hit him in the forehead

"Dammit!" he hissed as he clutched his head in pain

"Sorry!" shout/whispered Korra

"Korra?"

"Yeah."

"What the hell are you doing?" asks Kaito

"I'm gonna go see a pro-bending match." She says "Wanna come?"

Kaito raised an eyebrow at the Water Tribe girl "Eh, what the hell." He shrugs

He leans out the window "You better catch me, though."

"I swear I'll catch you." She says

"OK."

He gets back in the room, sits on the windowsill and gets ready to take the leap. Just as he jumps out the window, some White Lotus sentries start walking by on patrol. Korra jumps into a bush and Kaito falls flat on his face into a planter (Faceplant, right? Right? Try the fish; I'm here all week.)

The sentries walk by none the wiser. And Korra grabs Kaito

"Sorry." She tells him as she wipes off his face

"Korra, I just realized something." He begins "I can't swim, I don't think we'll be able to make it to the arena."

"Who said anything about swimming there?" she says with a grin

"I don't like that look in your eyes."

!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!

"I told you we'd make it." Said Korra as she bent the water off of herself and Kaito

Kaito was too busy barfing over the ledge to reply "Korra, never do that again…" he groaned

Korra just crossed her arms and started walking "You act as if you've never been shot out of the water via waterbending before…"

Kaito flipped Korra the bird as she was walking away

Lapis was in a little blue barrier so she was completely dry. She saw the middle finger and zapped Kaito in the neck again

"Bad _onii-tan_!" she said before flying after Korra

Kaito followed after Korra and turned right into the gym. As soon as he saw a man's shadow he started panicking

"Korra, someone's coming." Whispers Kaito

She turns around and spots a grumpy looking old man with a surprisingly badass looking set of facial hair

"Hey, what're you doin' in my gym?" he says with a scowl

"Uh, I was just lookin' for the bathroom and got lost…" says Korra nervously

The old man points at Korra "Ah, the old 'I had to pee' excuse!" he points to Kaito "And what's your excuse?"

Kaito looks around and points to himself "What me?"

"Yeah you!" he says

Kaito was pretty sure someone was supposed to show up right about now and say something

"Well, I, uh."

"There you are!" said a young man "I've been looking all over for you guys!"

Kaito looked over to the source of the voice and saw a guy in a pro bending uniform and looked like an all-around nice guy.

He looked over to the guy and recognized him; Bolin, Earthbender for the Fire Ferrets…

…He's doomed.

"It's okay Toza, they're with me." He says with a wave

"Yeah, what he said." Says Kaito as he points to said Earthbender

"Yeah, we're with him." Smiles Korra, as she plays along

"So you see…" he says while he points to Korra and himself "…we're together."

Korra smiles awkwardly "Well not _together _together, more like friends."

Kaito rolls his eyes and facepalms, he turns to his conscience for a little commentary on what happened so far only to find her with hearts in her eyes and staring at Bolin. She was on the verge of swooning and looked like she was about to pounce on him all at the same time.

"Why me?" whispered Kaito

He turned his attention back to Korra and Bolin and was just in time to see Toza's out burst

"Ah! I don't care what you are!" he shouts with his arms raised in annoyance "I got work to do!"

Toza wipes his forehead with the towel that was hanging around his neck and started loosening up.

"Right this way, miss." Says Bolin as he leads Korra away from the grumpy Earthbender

Kaito crossed his arms and started tapping his foot

"And sir…" says Bolin quickly

"That's more like it…" mutters Kaito as he follows them out while his conscience decided to rest on top of her charge's head, still with hearts in her eyes

Kaito caught up with the pro-bender and the Avatar and began tailing them

"Thanks for the save." Says Kaito

"Don't mention it." Says Bolin as he stops at a door and opens it.

Korra walks in and Kaito follows, Kaito looked out and saw the pro-bending arena and was shocked at how awesome it was in person. He let out a whistle

"Whaddya think?" says Bolin "Best seats in the house, huh?"

While Korra was going super fangirl mode, Bolin decided to try and do his thing.

"Names Bolin by the way"

Korra didn't even look at him to reply "Korra"

"I'm Kaito." Kaito adds before being nudged out of the way by a Waterbender in the Fire Ferret's uniform. He turns and notices a broody looking Firebender, Mako.

"Psst, Bolin." Whispers Mako

Bolin walks over to Mako

"Yeah?"

Mako was chiding Boin for something. Kaito knew it was for bringing in Korra and himself. Kaito just walked over to Korra and leaned onto the railing and decided to look out at the crowd. He heard Bolin come over and take Korra over to wherever Mako was.

"Come here, I want you to meet my brother, Mako." Says Bolin

"Mako?" she says nervously "Wow, I-I heard you playing on the radio…"

"Come on, Bolin, we're up." He says ignoring Korra

"Or I could meet him later…" she says with that tone that always walks beside rejection

Bolin puts on his helmet as he walks over to the ring "Yeah, sorry about that. My brother just gets real…focused before a match."

He ties the strings of his helmet "Okay, I gotta go, wish me luck."

He starts walking and then turns around "Not that I'll need it."

"Good luck" she said with über excited genki girl-ness "Knock 'em out!"

She said that last bit with a fist in the air. Of course she yelled that right in Kaito's ear and managed to uppercut him as she said that, knocking Lapis from her perch in the process

"Oh!" she said "Sorry!"

"Why me?" Groans Kaito

The lights go out and a spotlight shines on the center of the arena

"Introducing…" shouts the ring announcer "The Fire Ferrets!"

The platform that the Fire Ferrets were on slowly moved towards the arena. As Kaito got up to his feet and rubbed his jaw line, he looked at the Fire Ferrets lineup; Bolin and Hasook were waving to the crowd while Mako was standing as still as a god. Bolin cupped his ear to listen to his screaming fangirls, Hasook just stood there, and Mako was completely in the zone. The ring announcer rang a bell and both teams began bending Bolin ducked under a fire blast and tried to counter with an earth disc, the Tigerdillo Firebender (Let's call him Bob) shattered the disc with a well-placed fireball. Hasook dove onto the ground trying to avoid a fire blast from Bob, he gets to his feet and pulls some water from the grate he uses the water to block another fire blast from Bob. Hasook slides back as he tries to bend some water at the Tigerdillo's earthbender (He seems like a Billy, to _moi_) cartwheels out of the way. Billy landed on his feet, lifted an earth disk and then kicked it over to Mako. Mako calmly avoided the disc and a fire blast from Bob, he counters with two fire blasts to Bob and Billy then ducks under a water bullet from the Tigerdillo's Waterbender (And he shall be here foreknown as…Billy Bob) and an earth disc from Billy. He shoots a fire blast at Billy while Bob and Billy Bob assaulted Hasook and Bolin and knocked them back into zone two. They quickly scramble to their feet. Mako jumps in he air and spins to avoid an incoming earth disc and fireball. He lands, narrowly avoiding the fire blast on his descent, and gets hit in the chest with an earth disc, pushing him back into zone two.

"Come on Ferrets!" shouts Korra with a fist raised high

Kaito was watching silently and with very little enthusiasm and interest. It surprised him that such a sport that was born in a world where the fantastic was commonplace had very little appeal to him, at least in comparison to the underwater action of blitzball or the disc wars of the gaming grid. He could not see the appeal of pro-bending, and thought that this world could at least use a little bit of non-bending sports that people would pay to see, such as roller derby or football (American that is, not soccer, though soccer would be pretty cool too.). So instead of observing the game further he decided to sit down on the bench and try to understand the appeal of this game when there was absolutely no physical contact and the guarantee that no one will go home with anything worse than minor bruises on their body and severe bruising of the ego. Speaking of which, he wondered if he was going to have a bad conscience to balance out the fact that he had a _moe _fairy for the good shoulder angel position. He thought that perhaps there was someway for him to put in an advertisement at the conscience enforcement agency or whatever. But how would he pay for such an ad? He had no income whatsoever in this strange and fantastic world. Perhaps he could take out a business loan, get a law student to write up a contract with extremely hidden loopholes, and get at least two of the three Ferrets' signatures to sell merchandise and give them the lesser half  
of the profits! Now to your average person this idea may seem downright, batshit, balls-out, potato in a jacket, toys in the attic, completely insane. To Kaito it seemed just crazy enough to work…hopefully. Aside from his nefarious plot to get some semi-easy cash he also reminisced on the lack of familiar foods, tacos and pizza in particular. He then had the strangest feeling that a tiny little _moe _fairy was slapping him

"SNAP OUT OF IT!" shouted Lapis

"Hmm?"

"The game's over, and Bolin's coming this way!" she says to her charge "How's my hair and my dress, are they okay?"

"Lapis-_chan_, he can't even see you, I highly doubt that your appearance matter in this situation." Kaito deadpans

"Did I seriously space out that long?" he mused aloud

Kaito got up and started walking over to the railing; he spotted Bolin jumping back into the locker room with glee

"Woohoo! Yes!" he shouts "One more win and we're in the championship tournament!"

He snaps his fingers and casually takes his helmet off "So what'd you think Korra? Bolin's got some moves, huh?"

Korra grabs him by his collar with great enthusiasm "What did I think? What did I _think_? That was amazing!"

She playfully pushed him, and he stumbled right into Kaito, who fell over and nearly smacked his head against the wall.

"Whoa, almost got hurt there…" he mumbled to himself

"Get off my case pal!" Shouted Hasook as he chucked his helmet aside, the discarded helmet somehow managed to nail Kaito in the noggin.

"What a perfect jackass." Says Kaito

As Kaito attempted to soothe the pain of his aching head, his _moe _conscience was swooning at the sight of Bolin. In fact if one could read her thoughts this fanfic would have to be moved to adultfanfiction and those mediators might take it down for being to obscene. This massive feeling of perverse sexual lust was enough that even a conscience would need a conscience

"What are you doing, Lapis?" said an adorable little _chibi_ angel that looked like Lapis "You know that you must forgo these feelings and focus on making sure Kaito-_kun _follows the path of good and lawful righteousness!"

Lapis nodded "You're right…"

"Don't listen to that tight-ass!" says a little _chibi_ devil that looked like Lapis "She wants you to follow the path of boring lawful goodness, I'm gonna lead you down the path that rocks!"

Devil Lapis started strumming an air-guitar that actually made electric guitar sounds and made devil horns with her _chibi _hands.

"So, yeah don't listen to her." Normal Lapis just swatted Devil Lapis off of her shoulder, making the _chibi _devil disappear with a poof and a cloud of smoke, as did the _chibi _angel.

Kaito noticed his conscience's conscience and his eye began twitching, he decided he was going to ignore that quirk of hers and hoped that it would not interfere with her attempts to guide him along the path that her shoulder angel described. Though he believed himself to be chaotic neutral at best.

Deciding to actually pay attention to the matters of "normal" people he looked over to Korra, Bolin, and Mako. The stoic Firebender was taking off his helmet and untying the weird padded uniform.

"Just ignore him." Says Bolin

"Already have been." Mutters Kaito

"Yeah, I could show you the basics." Bolin continues "I'm not sure how my earthbending would translate to your waterbending, but we'll figure it out."

Korra looked over to Kaito and had a cocky grin plastered on her face, Kaito shook his head slowly

"Won't be a problem." She says smugly with a cross of her arms "I'm actually an Earthbender."

"Here we go…" Mutters Kaito

"I'm sorry, no, no! I didn't mean to assume! 'Cause, you know, I was just figuring…" Bolin began awkwardly stumbling over is words "…With your Water Tribe getup…that you are…a Water Tribe…gal."

"Nope, you're right." She says casually "I'm a Waterbender."

"She's also a Firebender." Says Kaito

Bolin held his hand to his chin in confusion "I'm very confused right now."

Mako caught on "You're the Avatar, and I'm an idiot."

"Both are true." Says Korra

Kaito got up to his feet "Well this is was fun and all, but I'm tired."

Kaito began walking towards the door "I'll be waiting out front, Korra."

Kaito ignored Korra's complaining and decided to keep walking, trying to find the damn exit.

It took him about an hour and a half, and by then Korra was on her way out as well.

"I thought you said you'd be out front?" she asks him

"I got lost." Sighed Kaito "We'd better get back to the island before Tenzin realizes that we're gone…"

Kaito stopped walking and then turned towards his…

Well he wasn't sure what she was to him at this point, he settled on acquaintance.

"And in the off chance that you are coming back here for the next Ferrets game, count me out." He says "This sport does not appeal to me, at all."

As soon as he said that last bit he had unleashed a barrage of semi-pissed off teenage girl and had to endure an attempt to convert him into a fan. Thank the spirits that only lasted the five minute walk to the bay.

* * *

The next day went almost exactly like the show; Korra rage quit the spinning gates and burned them, Jinora snarked at dinner, and of course Korra snuck out again. This time of course, had Kaito sitting and watching the whole time for the first two. He had hoped that he could avoid going to Korra's pro-bending debut by sleeping it off. He was dead wrong.

"WHERE IS SHE?" ten guesses as to who screamed that

"You'll have to be more specific, baldy." Mumbled Kaito sleepily

"Where is Korra?" Tenzin says a little bit quieter

Kaito sighed and facepalmed "Pro-bending arena. She's probably replaced the Fire Ferret's Waterbender by now and is already started the game, now can I please go back to sleep?"

Kaito didn't wait for an answer and decided to just slam the door in his face and go back to sleep.

"That wasn't very wise, Kaito-_nii._" Said Lapis

"Sleep now talk later." Mumbled Kaito as he drifted off to sleep

This would be the only time he could just avoid the incoming plot. Little did he know, of how bad things were going to get for him.

**BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! It be posted Read and Review children**


	4. Chapter 3

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism

**A/N: I would personally like to thank Thomas Drovin for being the most faithful of my readers and leaving a review for every chapter I have posted this far. THANKS MAN! Anywho, I think it's only fair to warn you that this is also where things start diverging from canon and where I put in recurring minor OCs**

**After all, nobody wants to read a fanfiction that is 100% canon complient am I right?**

**Oh, and for those who are interested I have a Kingdom Hearts/Marvel Fanfic that I am writing and already have two chapters up. I need the poll to be answered before I can continue writing it.**

**Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except for myself; Legend of Korra belongs to Mike and Bryan**

Chapter 3: "I hate orange…"

For some reason, Kaito found himself in his old apartment. He was laying down on a queen-sized bed with the most comfortable blanket ever woven in the history of mankind wrapped around him as if he were some kind of comfort burrito.

"It was all just a dream…" he sighed "Well off to my regular job, with regular people and no possible risk of danger or intrigue!"

He got out of the comfy bed with very much glee and began whistling a happy tune. He threw on a yellow blood donor shirt he got after donating blood at his alma mater, a black zip-up hoody, some semi-baggy jeans that were a little ratty, he put on a black sweatband that had the symbol of Hyrule on his left wrist, he slipped into some black converse high tops and he pulled some keys and a pair of goggles out of a drawer and fistbumped the wall scrolls, posters, and the framed photos in his hall of heroes; There was Kamina, Tetsuya Nomura, Shinji Mikami, Tite Kubo, Stan Lee, Cloud Strife, and Alex Louis Armstrong to name a few.

As he opened the door he heard some heavy bass and a reggae beat.

"What the hell?" he muttered

He opened the door and saw a walled stairway that was going down and the music started bumping.

"Scrillex and Damien Marley?" Kaito muttered to himself

He walked down the stair case, with every step the music got louder. He reached a door that looked like it was drawn by Picasso.

"Naw, shite." He spits as he throws open the door

He steps out and sees floating furniture, people with speakers for heads, a woman playing a cello that was her body, and a large wall with "Scrillex" graffiti on it and a poster of Damien Marley singing the song that was playing. He saw a painting of Lapis that was floating towards him.

"Where are you going, 'Kaito'?" asked the painting

"Work." He says as he just walks past it "I don't care if you try to stop me through some creepy ass hallucination, I'll just see a doctor and get some meds."

Kaito grabs the painting and throws it at the Damien Marley poster, Damien running out of frame and he stopped singing.

"That's better."

Kaito finds another door and throws it open he jumps through and sees an African savannah, two small children playing as a pair of vultures are eating some carrion and a small pride of lions are eating another carcass. Kaito thought he could make out a pair of glasses in a pool of blood in the distance.

"Screw that." He says as he slams the door. He turns around and spots another door, he runs up to it an and throws it open

"WAKE UP!"

"GAAH!"

Kaito had scambled out of bed "IT'S ALL HASOOK'S FAULT!"

He was face-down with his blanket covering him. He heard feminine laughing and a deep scoff. He slowly rose up from the ground and poked his head out of his blanket. He saw Korra (still laughing) and Tenzin (arms crossed and a scowl on his mug) in his Air Temple Island room.

"It was all a dream…" Kaito sighed in both relief and agony

"Nightmare?" asks Korra

"Not really." He sighs "So, whaddya want?"

Korra was giddy from excitement "You know how the Fire Ferret's Waterbender stormed off the other night?"

"You're a pro-bender now aren't you?"

"Yes!" she squealed

"Forgive my lack of enthusiasm but I honestly could care less about that boring excuse for a sport, nothing against you, of course, congratulations." He deadpans

"Oh, well too bad because you're coming with me to practice." She says with a pout

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, you are."

"No." he says "I'm not…"

She gets in his face "Yes. You. Are."

"Korra, as much as I like you…" he says

Korra pokes his chest "I dare you to finish that sentence…"

Kaito begins quivering in fear

"Now you are going to practice with me." She says with a sweet voice and expression "Right?"

Kaito nods furiously "Yes ma'am." He whimpers

"Good!" she says "Now get dressed."

With that Kaito hastily searched for his clothes

"Uh, Korra?" Kaito whimpered "I can't find my clothes…"

Korra facepalmed and Tenzin chuckled

"I can loan you some if you'd like." Said Tenzin with a smirk

"Ah, hell naw…" Kaito muttered.

Just then Lapis flew up from the crevice of the bed looking quite peeved at being tossed under the bed

"What's the big idea with making me train this early in the morning?" asked Korra as she caught the weighted ball in her pro-bending gear "The morning is evil…"

She tosses it to Bolin, he catches it "We're the rookies, so we get the worst time slot in the gym."

Kaito was sitting in lotus trying to meditate and actually do something semi-productive whilst he was being dragged into the plot again.

Bolin tossed the medicine ball to Mako "And you're the rookiest of us all. We gotta get you up to speed if we wanna survive in the tournament."

He tosses it to Korra who catches it "Deal with it."

She gets mad and throws it back at him "You deal with it!"

Kaito sighed and got up and moved out of the shadows, revealing that he was wearing an Air Acolyte robe that looked like a different style then the others. To Kaito it seemed like an orange and yellow version of a Shinto monk's robe. It still made him feel like an idiot though.

"Well, as entertaining as it is to watch you quarrel…" he says as he starts walking towards the door "…I'm gonna see if I can gather some 'donations' and get myself some actual clothes."

Before Korra could object and/or threaten him, a man in a suit walked over

"There are my little street urchins!" he greeted

That was Kaito's queue to speed walk as fast as he could to the lobby. Soon he found himself within the labyrinth that was the Pro-Bending Arena.

"Man, this is like the time I got lost at Arco Arena all over again!" he groaned

"When was that Kaito-_nii_?" asked Lapis

"It was in the sixth grade." He sighed "I was with the YMCA on some free trip to see the Monarchs against some other team."

"I assume you didn't get to see much of the game?"

"Nope." He says curtly "Didn't."

He turns a corner and spots the lobby of the arena "Why couldn't I have ended up in friggin' Traverse Town or even Ivalice, Lapis-chan?" he mused aloud

The little _moe _fairy sat down on his right shoulder and crossed her legs "Why would you ask something like that?"

Kaito crossed his arms and pushed open the door leading outside "I'm just curious, I'd much rather be places like that where the odds of you getting abilities are above 50%."

Lapis chuckled "How'd you come up with that number, Kaito-_nii_?"

Before Kaito could answer he heard someone calling his name. He turned towards the source and saw Chief Lin Beifong in a darkened nook of the arena's perimeter, she motions him to walk over to her. He complies

"Chief Beifong?"

"I see Tenzin converted you." She says with a nod to his new clothes

"Yeah." He sighed "Tenzin may or may not have thrown out my old clothes and gave me this monstrosity of a robe as punishment for being a royal pain in the ass to him."

Lin nodded "I see, well in that case…"

She pulled out a small envelope out of the satchel at her hip and handed it to him

"Here's your stipend." She says "You'll get one monthly until the Avatar lands in jail."

Kaito cocked his brow at that "Huh?"

"I've decided to put you in the Republic City Police's employ." She says and hands him a small badge "You will make sure the Avatar does not get on the wrong side of the law."

Kaito looks at the characters and watched as they rearranged themselves in English, it read "RCPD: Non-Bending Division 001"

"Non-bending division?" asked Kaito in awe

Lin nodded "You will be the first non-bender in the employ of the Republic City Police Department."

"Sweet."

"However, until further notice you are not to tell _anyone _about this unless they are briefed." She says sternly "And until then the police will still be known as the Republic City Metalbending Police."

Kaito had mixed feelings about his new "employment" on one hand he was thrilled to be the first non-bender on the force, yet on the other he was being forced into the plot even more. Meanwhile he saw that Lapis was looking at the badge with awe rather closely.

"I take it you don't want me to inform either of the Ferrets, the Avatar, or Tenzin about this?" he asks

She nodded

"Alright then." He says as he pockets the badge "Anything I should know ahead of time? Methods of contacting you? Snitches? Safe houses?"

"You'll have to make your own snitches and the island is your safe house." She says in a matter-of-fact tone "Get some new clothes before you contact me, you look like an idiot."

With that she backed into the shadows and left Kaito with a bewildered expression

"Clothes shoppin' it is then." He mutters as he walks away from the arena and off towards the trolley to the shopping district (which just so happened to be located at Akihabara and Shibuya)

He got many a stare from the passersby as he looked at the retailers; there was Tiger Spirits, Regal Roosters, Nezumi's, Ox Horns, Dog Days, Dragon Scales, Tanenuma-ryo, Usagi's , Ape Escape, Hebi Rep, Wild Boar, Sheepish Dreams, and there was a small little coffee stand with a sign that said Nekomura's

Kaito chuckled at the twisted coincidence and decided to check out Usagi's Boutique, all the while his _moe _conscience was soaking in the fashions and memorizing them in case she ever wanted to change her traditional ensemble, all the while a mischievously evil (actually more rude and annoying presence, than evil) presence seemed to be following them…

Unaware of the evil (that was actually more rude and annoying than anything) presence trailing him, Kaito walked into the small boutique and saw that there were only a handful of things on the racks and there was a young woman who looked like she was at the end of her rope was making a noose with a deadpan expression and muttering nonsense to herself. She was sitting against the right wall and she had her undivided attention was had by the wall opposite of her.

He walked up to the girl and looked at her with interest. She was wearing a simple, conservative, yet flattering…whatever it was that she was wearing. Neither Kaito nor the author actually knew how to describe what she was wearing. The only way to sum it up was some type of long skirt, some type of cardigan-thingy and a bow in her hair.

Kaito cleared his throat and the young woman looked at him with the most depressing expression humanly possible "I don't have anything to offer you or the air acolytes…" she groaned

"Yeah, I'm no monk." He says "I live with monks, but I'm no monk."

She cocked her brow at him "Then why are you here?"

"Well, I didn't like the selection from the other shops and I figured you might have something a little more original." Said Kaito with his arms crossed "Of course if you're just gonna do some really stupid stuff with that noose then I can just leave you to your own devices and look for someone else who can make something awesome enough to be deemed worthy by the most badass frickin' guy in the whole universe, I could."

She stopped working on her noose and scoffed at the orange clad youth "Are you talking about yourself?"

"Yes." He says "Although by 'most badass frickin' guy in the whole universe' I mean 'most completely average guy in the whole universe'."

For some reason, the seamstress found that funny

"Ok, in that case. I'm Usagi…" she said grimly "Look around and pick something you like."

Kaito shook his head "I was thinking something a little more black, badass and with a nice matching hat."

By sheer coincidence a lightbulb that was above the young woman's head turned on and her head perked up in realization.

"I have just the thing!" she says excitedly, she hops up and drags Kaito into the back room "This was the last thing I designed personally that wasn't taken by the bank."

She took out some measuring tape and threw off Kaito's top robe to measure him "a little stocky and that gut of yours is a little big but I can fix that in a jif."

She measured his lower body swiftly, making Kaito blush in embarrassment while Lapis chuckled

She wrote the measurements down and dashed behind the curtain, immediately making some alterations to something…

Kaito made sure that the sound of the sewing machine was loud enough so Kaito could speak with his conscience

Kaito looked at his conscience and then down to his semi-flabby gut "And there goes my streak of being able to hide the fact that I'm husky."

Lapis patted him on the back of the neck "Don't feel bad…"

"Why would I feel bad?" he says with his eyebrow cocked "I'm on the lower end of the 'levels of fatness' scale…"

"Huh?"

"It was a comedy bit that Gabriel Iglesias did in El Paso." He said with a nostalgic grin "He said that there were five, later six, levels of fatness; big, healthy, husky, fluffy, 'Damn!' and 'Oh hell no!' Seeing as how he calls himself Fluffy, then that would make me 'husky'."

Lapis looked up in thought "I guess you're right about that…"

The curtain was whipping as if a sudden breeze blew behind it, Kaito looked down and yelped in shock; Usagi was staring at him with fierce pride in her eyes

"It's done." she says

Usagi backs to the curtain and pulls it to the side, revealing the getup.

As soon as the curtain was drawn back Kaito gasped in astonishment at the clothes. To anyone else it looked like some kind of uniform with an all-around detachable cape, but to Kaito it was an exact match to Raidou Kuzunouha XIV's main outfit from the Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Summoner series; bandolier, holster and all!

"This is amazing…" he said "What's the bandolier and holster for?"

Usagi sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Well, it was going to be the uniform for the non-bending police back when they were planning on allowing non-benders to join the force." She sighed again "After the council shot that down I was left with my masterpiece like this, and my business went downhill from there…"

Kaito blinked twice "What does that have to do with the price of tea in the Earth Kingdom?"

"Huh?"

"I asked for why it has a bandolier and holster, you gave me exposition on why you were just about to hang yourself." He says "Don't get me wrong, you'll still be the gal I go to whenever I need some new threads."

"Oh!" she says "Sorry, I do that sometimes…"

"No worries"

"Well, to answer your actual question…" she trails off, looks around and makes sure no one was eavesdropping "I thought it looked plain without it, and you could just stick whatever you need in there."

Usagi chuckled and Kaito sighed in relief

"Don't let anyone know that though…" she said while giggling

Kaito and Lapis sighed in relief, no firearms in this world!

"So how much do I owe ya?"

Usagi was running the numbers in her head, Kaito pulled out the envelope of cash and pulled out a thousand yuans (inadvertently cutting his funds in half)

"Is this enough?"

Usagi nearly fainted from the sight of the cash; in the couple years she had been in business she had never seen that much dough.

"That's way too much for that…" she said in shock

"No worries." He says "Besides you probably need the cash…"

He takes her hand and puts the bills in her open palm "Here you go…"

Kito turns and starts walking out of the place "Use it for advertising or something, I don't want my favorite tailor going out of business…"

With that he turned and waved the seamstress goodbye

Usagi only stood there and watched as her first real customer had left with something she had designed and made with her own hands.

Kaito jogged after the nearest trolley and hitched a ride on the back with a street kid

"N-n-nice c-cl-clothes m-mister." Said the little fire nation girl he was sitting next to

"Thanks kid." He says "Just got them."

The little girl pointed to his hat "C-can I t-tr-try it on?"

Kaito nodded and put his cap on the little girl. It was a little too big and almost covered her violet eyes.

Kaito looked at the munchkin (as he decided to call her) and noticed a few things; some bruising (more than likely burns) on her arms and a small scar on her chin, she was a little thinner than most nine or ten year olds he'd seen, her cloths had scorch marks at the ends, her shoes were wrecked, and her black hair was singed and knotted in some places. Kaito really felt for the kid, he had heard from a few of the Air Acolytes that the orphanages were overcrowded and could barely scrape by as it was and that there were too many orphans on the streets, so most of them either get picked up by gangs (if they were benders) or end up dying in the streets. Not many of them actually got to live that long. Up until now, he didn't see it as his problem.

"So what's your name kiddo?" he asks

"I-it's Hanako." She says with a shy nod

Kaito offered his hand to shake, she took it and shook it.

"Pleasure meeting you Hanako…"

Then he heard an all too familiar voice "See Pabu the fantastic fire ferret as he crosses the Ladder of Peril, upside down!"

"Naw crap…"

Hanako gasped at his swear…

**Le gasp!**

**The Revelation will be upon us in the next chapter!**


	5. Chapter 4 Part 1

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism!

**/Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except for myself; Legend of Korra belongs to Mike and Bryan\**

/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

Chapter 4: "The Revelation can kiss my ass! Amon, your jokes suck by the way! Stick to being a terrorist!" Part 1

Kaito had reached the docks and had gotten off the trolley, his cape fluttering with the slight bay breeze. If he wasn't preoccupied with getting back to the island and telling Korra about the trouble that Bolin was about to get into then he'd probably be on an ego trip. Just before he started heading for the Air Temple Island Ferry he felt something tugging on his cape/cloak thingy. He looked down and saw Hanako holding his hat up to him.

"Y-you f-for-forgot your hat…" she said, Kaito thought that the sight of her standing on her tiptoes, trying to give him his hat back was super cute.

"Thank you kindly…" he said as he took the hat and put it back on his hat. He looked down at the young girl and hatched a plot that would probably piss off Tenzin and at the same time make someone's life better. "Say, how about you come to Air Temple Island with me?"

"Huh?"

Kaito knelt down to her "A friend of mine and I live there, we're not acolytes. And I'm sure that Tenzin wouldn't mind a new face around, even if he doesn't then I can just get Pema to overrule him."

Hanako started fidgeting and then started scratching her burns "U-uh, I d-don't th-think that's a g-good idea…"

Kaito got a better look, and saw that the burns seemed to travel from her palms up most of her arm "You afraid that you'll lose control of your bending?"

Hanako gasped and started looking around "H-how d-did you know?"

"Call it a hunch." He says, he puts a hand on her shoulder and gives her a gentle squeeze "Hey, I'm friends with a couple of awesome Firebenders…"

He turns over to the island and then back to the girl "If you ever need bending lessons or a place to crash, just go up to the ferry and say 'Kaito sent me', ok?"

Hanako nodded "OK."

"I mean it, come by anytime." Kaito says as he ruffles her already messed up hair, she giggles and gives him a hug

"Thank you." She says before running off towards the city

Kaito sighed and got back on his feet, he saw Lapis with a snarky grin floating in front of his face

"Well aren't you a big fat softy?" she says in a baby voice

"I am not fat…" he says gravely

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." She says before floating back on her designated seat on his right shoulder. "I'm just saying that you just got major points for good karma."

She patted the side of his head "Good for you."

Kaito sighed and then started walking towards the ferry; his gaze was at the ground thinking about what Hanako was going to do next. He told himself that he had offered help without seeming like a creep (he hoped) and he doubted that Tenzin would turn her away. He bumped into somebody who was running, needless to say he faceplanted quite comedically.

"Sorry!" he heard the guy that bumped him say "Lemme help you up."

Kaito took the guy's hand, when he was on his feet he saw that it was Mako.

"Aren't you Korra's friend?" he asked, surprised to see that he was no longer in that disgustingly orange robe

"Yeah, and you're the emo guy who has a weird fetish for his scarf and fits the 'aloof older brother' protagonist as well as the 'let's throw in some estrogen brigade bait so we can get more teenage girls to write creepy yaoi fics about' guy." Kaito deadpans "I'm Kaito how's it going?"

Mako had no idea what the guy just said, and yet he decided to respond anyway "Mako."

"Pleasure to meet you properly, Mako." Says Kaito cheerfully "I take it you're about to visit Korra on the island?"

"Uh, yeah." Mako says

"We should probably get on the ferry before it leaves." Kaito says as he walks towards the ferry (with an epic flick of his cape)

Lapis was still on her perch, although she had the strangest feeling that they were being followed.

Kaito was non-the-wiser and was already on the ferry with Mako

When they got on, Kaito wandered around until he found a spot where the breeze could make his cape flow with the breeze (LIKE A BOSS!)

"So what brings you to the island?" he thought "You going to ask Korra out or something?"

Mako seemed shocked "What? No! You've got it all wrong!"

Kaito chuckles "Calm down, man. I was just kidding."

Kaito turns towards the island "So why are you heading over?"

Kaito knew the answer already, but for the sake of seeming normal and unaware he did so anyway. Lapis was not amused for some reason, not even a snarky comment or eye roll graced her pensive visage.

Mako sighed and explained what practically everybody knew prior to reading this chapter; Bolin was missing and Mako thought he was on the island about to ask Korra on a date (not that he ever had a chance).

"I think I saw him with that ferret of yours doing some kind of circus act for money, some guy showed up in a hot rod and dropped a huge wad of cash in Bolin's hand. I don't know who the guy was, pretty sure there were a couple kids hanging around there could tell you more."

Mako looked surprised and looked like he was about to jump off the boat, Kaito grabbed Mako's shoulder "We're gonna need some extra help."

"Korra doesn't need to get involved." He says

"Why not?" asks Kaito "Because you're afraid of her finding out some deep dark secret about how you and Bolin used to run with the triads for work back in the day. Or, my personal favorite/more plausible explanation, you are in the closet and have incestuous feelings towards your brother."

Mako looked like he was about to roast Kaito alive, however he settled for punching him in the gut. He did so pretty hard.

"Okay I deserved that." Kaito groaned "But we seriously need Korra's help with this, and it's always a good idea to bring the friggin' Avatar along on any weird trip that's probably gonna end up with someone getting their asses kicked."

Kaito coughed again and got up to his feet "I'm betting that someone is me, by the way."

Mako groaned and walked away from Kaito. Lapis floated up to Kaito's head and gave him a consoling pat

"There, there." She said "One day you'll figure out what doesn't piss people off…"

/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

Kaito had thought that all was right in the universe. He was about to ditch Mako with Korra, avoid the future crap storm that was going to brew at "The Revelation" , and he was going to lounge about with his sick new threads while devising new ways to utterly piss off the bald bastard that reminded him suspiciously like his own father's xenophobia. He and Mako had gotten off of the ferry, Kaito apologized, Mako accepted said apology but warned him that if he ever made another joke like that he'd most likely find out what it's like to lose his nether regions via concentrated flame. Needless to say, Kaito vowed to never make a mean spirited joke at anyone's expense.

They were approaching Korra's little "petal dance" as Kaito called it (despite the fact that there were now petals flowing through the airbending gates. He imagined what it would look like with sakura blossoms flying through the gates as well. He had to conceal the blush that was showing up on his face (silently thanking his dark skin for not betraying it quite yet) by lowering his gaze and thinking of something other than the Water Tribe girl gracefully dancing with sakura blossoms. Instead he thought of Hanako as a chibi, which led to him thinking of her doing a chibi petal dance, which led him to thinking about chibi Hanako doing a chibi petal dance midair while Korra was doing a graceful and beautiful petal dance in tandem. His blush grew deeper; it took Lapis to snap him out of his weird train of thought.

"Snap out of it you _otaku_-_baka_!" she said while giving his face a flurry of slaps "Your emo friend is talking to you!"

"Hmm?" asks Kaito as he looks over to Mako

"You were spacing out, man." He says "We don't have time for this; we need to ask her for help."

With that Mako started walking towards the Avatar and Kaito just bumbled along. Korra catapulted the airbabies with some quick earthbending and a clever recovery. When they actually got within proper conversation distance Korra cleared her throat and tried to act cool.

"Oh, hey Mako. Kaito." She nodded to the guy in black "Nice outfit."

"Thanks" said Kaito "Nice earth-a-pult you did on the airbabies."

"It was nothing…"

Mako was tapping his foot in annoyance; Kaito got the message and got down to business

"Alright, I'll cut to the chase." He says "We kind of need your help finding Bolin…"

She looked concerned…ish "Is he alright?"

Kaito was going to say something but Mako decided to butt in "Will you help us or not?"

Kaito looked at Mako like he just grew a second head; he definitely wasn't this much of an ass in canon. Then again this could be the universe telling him that he needs to take a back seat, and find a way back to the realm of sanity and boredom. Lapis immediately knew what he was thinking of and shot him a "if you try to get out of this I will find some way to torment you" look.

Back to what could be considered important; Korra looked a little hurt by the Firebender's snap.

Mako sighed "Sorry."

"It's alright…" she says a little half-heartedly "I-if you don't want me to go…"

Kaito stepped forward "It would really help if you and Naga could tag along…"

"Who's Naga?" he asks

Korra brightens a bit and smiles "She's my best friend and a great tracker."

/人◕ ‿‿ ◕人\

It had taken Mako about a couple hours and actually getting on Naga to get him to say the following;

"Your best friend is a…polar bear dog." He says "Somehow, that makes perfect sense."

Korra smirked "I'll take that as a compliment, city boy."

Kaito drew the short end of the stick and had to walk, luckily this gave him the great vantage point to observe the interactions between for the canon couple. Of course rather than him smiling like he had done in the original episode Mako seemed to be scowling. Something was definitely wrong, and if he could somehow ditch his _moe _conscience or get home he could set things right.

They reached the statue of Zuko and Kaito began rummaging through his pockets. Korra and Mako dismounted from Naga and walked over to Kaito

"This the place you saw him last?" asked Mako

"Yeah." Kaito pointed at the base of the statue "that's where he was."

"This is his usual hangout." He says as he walks over to some sketchy looking kids

Kaito and Korra followed him and looked at the group of kids he was heading for.

Mako walked up to the group "You guys know where my brother was headed?"

One of the kids, Skootchy if Kaito's memory served, walked up "Perhaps. My memory's a little 'foggy'…" he holds out his hand as if someone was going to give him something

"Skootchy. I don't have time for this…" he says in an irritated tone of voice

Kaito figured Mako was going to blow a gasket, and he couldn't just tell where he knew Bolin was going. So he stepped in front of the Firebender and looked down at the kid

"I've got this, Mako." He says before turning towards the kid "Tell you what kid, you answer all of my questions and I'll give you this."

Kaito pulled up a rolled up wad of yuans and flashed them to the kid, the numbers were all one hundred. Skootchy lunged for the wad but Kaito withdrew it.

"First things first kid." He says while he ignored the Korra's disapproving gaze "Answer all of my questions and the wad is yours, kid."

Skootchy pouted and rubbed his nose "Well played…" he said a with a smirk

"Question one: Where did Bolin go after he talked to the guy with the sweet wheels and what was the driver's name?"

Skootchy spat on the ground "The guy's name is Shady Shin. He works for the Triple Threats and offered Bo a lot of cash for doing some work at their hideout."

"Second question: Why?" said Kaito

"Every triad in town is muscling up for something big, don't ask me what it is because I dunno what it is!" says Skootchy, he starts looking a little antsy and puts his hand out "Now pay me, I'm gettin' outta here…"

Kaito scoffed and tossed him the wad "Thank you for your cooperation, young grasshopper."

Kaito flicked his cape as he turned around and started walking (LIKE A BOSS!)

What he didn't expect was getting pelted with rocks. He turned around and saw that Skootchy was earthbending pellets at him

"You jerk, these are all ones!" he said with the unrolled wad clenched in his fists. "You tricked me!"

Kaito smirked and laughed "I never said that they weren't hundreds, did I?"

He then grabbed Korra and Mako and started dragging them (to the best of his ability) back towards Naga

To make time they all got on Naga. The polar bear dog didn't seem to mind, but it was uncomfortable for the riders, especially Kaito who had to sit in-between the Avatar and the emo Firebender

"Why would Bolin get tangled up with those Triple Threat guys?" asked Korra as Naga was following Mako's directions as dictated through Korra's gestures

And that's when Pabu showed up…

Skipping a merry chase and Kaito being catapulted into the pavement….

Korra, Mako, and Kaito were standing outside of Triple Threat Triad HQ, or rather they were hiding behind a corner observing the door,

"Something's not right…" said Mako

"I know…" said Kaito "There's no easel with tonight's special! I was hoping for some of their mobster ramen bowl…"

Mako dope slapped Kaito, knocking his hat to the ground. Kaito picked it back up and dusted it off.

"I meant there's usually thugs posted out front…"

"Meaning we go stealth mode, right?" he asks

"Right." Says Korra sarcastically.

The trio gave each other a nod and snuck over to the door and did some SWAT level door posting. Actually just Kaito and Mako did the stealth; Korra just walked up to the door and kicked it down.

"Subtle Korra, real subtle…" says Kaito

Korra sticks her tongue out at him in reply; it looked cute more than anything. Kaito chuckled at that

"Bolin?" called out Mako "You in here?"

A truck's engine roared outside, they all ran outside. Kaito dreaded this situation from the moment he realized he was in Republic City; Equalists.

The smoke bombs were thrown, Korra called Naga, two Equalists hopped off their bikes and started twirling bolas.

Kaito froze…


	6. Chapter 4 Part 2

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism!

**/Disclaimer: I own absolutely nothing except for myself; Legend of Korra belongs to Mike and Bryan\**

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

Chapter 4: "The Revelation can kiss my ass! Amon, your jokes suck by the way! Stick to being a terrorist!" Part 2

Kaito looked on in fear as those bug eyed masks slowly advanced with the bolas, Lapis attempted to snap him out of it but was unsuccessful. He watched as Korra got chi blocked Mako got bola wrapped along with Naga and they were now closing in on him. Despite every cell in his body telling him "RUN BITCH RUN!" he just stood there, he looked down and saw a brick he quickly reached for it but was met with several swift jabs to his arms. What shocked him was that his arms didn't feel limp or useless; rather they worked fine and felt like someone was poking him. Kaito was no longer afraid and threw a punch at the astonished chi blocker. He hit the masked guy in the jaw and reeled back from the newfound pain in his knuckles. He reached for the brick but his hand was caught by a bola, he pulled the chi blocker in and then kicked the masked terrorist in the gut. Kaito turned just in time to see the first Equalist introduce his foot to Kaito's face, knocking him to the cold pavement. Kaito heard Naga get free and roar, signaling the battle's end.

Kaito got up and saw that Mako was pulling himself up and walking towards the end of the alley, leaving Korra alone to get up with Naga's help. He walked over to her as she threw her fist to bend, she gasps

"Ugh, I can't bend." She tries again with desperation and starts panicking "I can't bend!"

"Calm down." Kaito says, trying to get her to not hyperventilate. He figures that getting chi blocked is a lot like getting a dead arm so he starts massaging her arm "Deep breaths, it'll wear off in a bit…"

Korra looked into Kaito's eyes, that deep stare of hers made him blush a little and he looked down to hide it. He was starting to get really worried about the whole MaKorra future pairing, and of course what potential ramifications as a whole were being caused by his actions.

Kaito cleared his throat and then turned his head towards Mako to speak to the hothead

"So, Mako." He says a little shakily "Any idea who the hell those bug-eyed freaks were?"

Mako spat at the ground, clearly frustrated "Those guys were chi blockers. They're Amon's henchmen…"

"Amon?" says Korra "That anti-bending guy with a mask?"

"Yeah, he's the leader of the Equalists."

"Anti-Bender bigots gathering up bending triads?" says Kaito "Not a good sign…"

Mako punched a wall "ugh! Can't believe that Bolin got himself into this mess!" he crosses his arms in frustration

"Mako…" Korra says

Korra walks over to him and puts a hand on his shoulder, he shrugs her off

"Let's just find Bolin, okay?" he says

Korra looks a little hurt by his attitude but she nods in agreement. Kaito sighs and looks at his _moe_ conscience for any sense of guidance, she merely shrugged and said "you've made your bed, now lie in it."

She then started giggling uncharacteristically perversely "And then get her in bed with you and do a little horizontal tango…"

Kaito raised an eyebrow in confusion "You feelin' alright Lapis-chan?" he asks in a whisper

She giggles again and floats over to his left shoulder and sits there "Never felt better stud…."

Kaito was officially weirded out, but Bolin's safety was a bigger concern than his conscience

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

"The first day I got into town, I ran into an Equalist protestor." She points to a spot by the fountain "Over there."

"And you think they'll know where Bolin is?"

"It's our only lead right now…" she says, disappointed

Kaito got back from the fountain after washing his face and sat down next to Korra

He closed his eyes and decided to sleep until the loudmouth was going to show up, he listened in on the spat that they were having and was surprised to find that his _moe _conscience wasn't trying to get him to interfere as usual. It was kind of unsettling.

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

_Kaito opened his eyes and saw that he was sitting down against a broken brick wall; he looked around and saw that he wasn't in Republic City anymore. He got up and walked over to where the fountain was and looked around some more. He looked at the sky and saw what looked suspiciously like Republic City, instead the usual sea of blue. He suddenly heard a solemn cello playing behind him. He turned around and saw a familiar sight; it was a fourteen year old boy in some kind of skintight space suit playing a cello._

"_Well I'll be…" Kaito mutters to himself "Shinji Ikari."_

_The Byronic eva pilot looked up from his cello and looked at Kaito straight in the eyes with a look of sheer contempt_

"_Don't look at me like that…" says Kaito with a scoff "Out of every friggin' protagonist in the long list of anime I've seen, you are the only one who never had my respect."_

_Kaito turned away from the cellist and started walking away "So don't think you have any effect on me…"_

_As he walked away, Shinji kept playing his cello. Soon Kaito found himself standing in front of a large and bizarre looking castle, with three heavily armored knights kneeling before it. One had gold and red armor; his helmet had some kind of sharp protrusions that reminded Kaito of Doberman ears and in his hand was a key shaped sword. Another one of the knights was clad in silver armor with horns that curved down on his helmet, in his hand was a double bladed spear that could split into a longsword and shortsword combo. The final knight was in some kind of violet military uniform with a strange helmet, he had no weapon but he did have a single eye with an odd symbol that Kaito dared not look upon._

"_Ok then…" he says while heading straight past the three knights, hoping that they wouldn't tear him to shreds as he walked towards the castle. Luckily all they did was watch him as he walked into the massive fortress_

_Once inside he saw a painting of a sleeping Lapis that was in a cage. He thought he could hear her voice inside the hall_

"_Gotta warn Kaito…."_

"_Warn me of what?" Kaito wondered aloud_

_Then the castle started crumbling beneath him_

And he woke up, though he woke much more serenely than the other day. He felt something heavy on his shoulder and looked down, meeting the gaze of Korra. He blushed, she blushed, and she scrambles away in embarrassment while Kaito gets to his feet and straightens his clothes with a shocked look on his face.

"Glad to see you two lovebirds are awake." Chuckles Mako as he looks at the flustered

Korra and Kaito's blushes turned an even darker shade of red. Kaito walked over with his hat and cape collar covering his face and his hand out for Korra to take.

"L-lemme help you up…" he mumbles shyly

She takes his hand and helps her to her feet

"Hey, Korra." Says Mako as he points to the sideburns protestor guy "That the guy?"

Korra nods "That's the guy."

Mako and Korra start walking towards the protestor; Lapis zaps Kaito in the neck

"Do something!" she shouts in his left ear

Kaito follows his conscience's demand and stops Mako and Korra from advancing

"What are you doing?" asks Mako with a little rage in his eyes

"We need to tackle this discreetly…" says Kaito "Let me explain. Korra, he knows you're the Avatar, and I'm pretty sure he's read the paper enough to know that Mako's a pro-bender…"

"Ok…" says Korra

"Where are you going with this, Kaito?" asks Mako

"I'm saying I can just go over there and get him to tell me…" he says with a shrug "After all I'm the only non-bender of our own little Team Avatar…"

Korra chuckled "Team Avatar? Really?"

"What?" he replies "I'm bringin' it back…"

"Whatever…"

Mako groans and facepalms "Would you just find out where Bolin is already?"

Kaito took off his hat and cape and tossed them to Korra, more accurately _on _korra, and then cracked his neck and popped his knuckles,

"Showtime…"

As Kaito walked towards the protestor he thought of how he was going to handle this…

And then "Lapis" decided to throw in an _awesome _idea

"Why don't you kick his ass?" she whispered into his left ear "It'll get Korra to stop liking you as much and push her towards Mako…"

And the lightbulb came on. Once Kaito got close enough, his ears were being tortured by the absurdly loud megaphone being stuck in his face

"Amon calls you to action! Take back your city! It's time for the-"

Kaito wrenched the megaphone away from the protester and hit him across the face with it, earning a shocked gasp from the crowd. Cleverly, he began to improve an excuse

"You stupid bastard!" he shouts to the downed protestor "You leave my sister at the altar, for this crap?"

Kaito kicks him in the ribs "She is worried sick about you!"

"She nearly skewers me with a _literal_ ice pick, thinking _I _had something to do with your leaving her and here I come to find you're the biggest hypocrite on the face of the earth!"

"Excuse me?" asked one of the crowd members "How is he a hypocrite?"

Kaito got up and kicked the protestor in the gut again and stepped on his hand

"I'll tell you why; this guy was all set to get married to a Waterbender!"

The crowd gasped and then started to scatter

"He lies!" shouts the protestor

"Now, now future brother-in-law…" he says in reply "Your face has a date with my fist!"

And so he punched him again and then signaled Mako and Korra to come over. When the protestor saw the Korra he flared his nostrils in rage

"So you _are _a bender!"

Kaito kicked him in the nads "Nope."

"Traitor!"

"Shut your yapper and listen up." Said Korra grabbed the protestor by the collar "My friend got kidnapped by some chi-blockers. Where'd they take him?"

The protestor scoffed "I have no idea what you're talking about…"

"Oh I think you do."

Korra earthbent a small pillar to launch the protestor's table, scattering his flyers everywhere. The protestor crawled around trying to pick up as many flyers as he could; Mako catches one and then reads it

"Witness the revelation, tonight, nine o'clock." He reads aloud "What's the revelation?"

"Nothing that concerns you two!"

Korra grabs him by his jacket and lifts him off the ground with one arm "You better believe it concerns us! Spill it!"

Kaito inwardly cringed at Korra's brute strength, he chuckled on the outside "Choose your next words more carefully."

The protestor squealed like a pig "No one knows what the revelation is and I have no idea what happened to your friend. But if he's a bender then my bet is he's getting what's coming to him…"

Then the fat "cop" came over and blew the whistle "Hey! What's going on over there?"

"The Avatar is oppressing us!" he screamed "Help!"

Korra threw him a good distance "Let's scram."

"You don't need to tell me twice." Says Kaito

Mako grabbed a few more flyers while Korra and Kaito ran to Naga. He caught up and hopped on

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

The trio figured they lost the pathetic excuse for a cop and stopped at a bench under an elevated train line; they dismounted Naga and sat down on the bench

"Well that went as well as I thought it would…" said Kaito

Korra then proceeded to punch him in the arm repeatedly

"Ow!" said Kaito "Why are you punching me?"

Korra then punched him in the gut "You beat that guy into the ground!"

"So?"

"That's not right!"

"I don't care!"

"You should!"

"Why!?"

"Because it's unethical!"

"This coming from miss 'walking wrecking ball'!?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh, I don't know, the fact that your solution for everything seems to be 'destroy it with bending'!"

"Guys…" says Mako, trying to get their attention but failing miserable

"What!?" Korra and Kaito both shout at the Firebender

Mako has an irked look on his face while Pabu rests on his shoulder, looking at the arguing pair in confusion "While you were having your little lover's quarrel I was busy trying to pin down where the revelation is taking place…"

Mako points at a spot he singed on the map. "It's in the warehouse district…"

Korra and Kaito beamed at the news, and then they realized what Mako had said at the beginning of his interruption.

And then they proceeded to blush…

"Lapis" began to maliciously chuckle at Kaito's embarrassment from her perch on his left shoulder

"S-sorry…" says Korra "For punching you in the arm."

"Thanks." Says Kaito "Sorry for calling you miss walking wrecking ball."

"It's alright." She says in reply

Korra extends her hand out for him to shake "Are we square?"

Kaito chuckles and shakes her hand "Yeah…"

Mako cleared his throat "Well, now that that's all settled, let's go save Bolin!"

"Right!" Korra says confidently

"_Ose_!" shouts Kaito earning himself several confused stares "What?"

"Lapis" facepalmed

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

Later, they made their way to the warehouse where the rally was being held. Korra and Mako disguised themselves while Kaito simply went as he was.

"This is the place." Says Mako

They put on their hats and then started for the door. As they got closer, they observed a big guy acting as a doorman. Korra got closer to Mako, grabs his arm and leans into him

"What are you doing?" whispers Mako

"We'll attract less attention this way."

Kaito walked past them "See ya inside…" he whispers

Kaito walked up to the doorman and handed him his flyer, the doorman let him in and Kaito didn't bother waiting for his companions.

Kaito was wading through the crowd and trying to get off to somewhere secluded so he could speak to his conscience in private. He found the spot where the pipes where and leaned up against the wall, his head down and his mouth covered by his collar.

"Why'd you ditch your friends?" asked his "conscience"

"Oh, I dunno." He says "Maybe it's because you've been acting mighty suspicious since we got attacked by those Equalists…"

"Lapis" started sweating bullets and started panicking "Wha-what do you mean?"

"That tears it." He says as he grabs the fairy and dangles her by her feet "Who are you and what have you done with my conscience?"

"EEK!" she shrieks before she poofs and her true form is revealed; that of a dark skinned girl in an odd purple leather getup that seemed to have a butterfly motif

"Merli. I should have known." Said Kaito unimpressed "Now where is Lapis-_chan_?"

Merli started panicking and struggling to get free. "She's alright just don't hurt me! I'm a delicate flower! I don't have insurance! I don't wanna die a virgin! I've never been to Europe! I-"

Kaito facepalmed and let her go "Enough, enough."

Merli started sobbing and hugged the left side of his neck "You're a merciful man!"

Kaito rolled his eyes as Merli started playing kiss ass and singing his praises

"So where'd you stash her?"

"I tied her up and stuck her in the saddlebags of that stupid dog bear thing!" She simpered

Kaito heard lightning crackle, he turned his gaze towards the stage and saw Zolt hunched over in massive fatigue.

"Naw crap..." he says to himself

"What?" Merli sobbed

"Looks like I might have to step in." He tells her as he observes Korea start walking to the boiler room entrance about several feet from where Kaito was leaning. He saw her go in and the burly doorman follow her, Kaito could see the wrench sticking out of the waistband of the doorman's pants.

"Why are you risking your health over something that you know will resolve itself?" She asks while sitting on his left shoulder

"Because Lapis-_chan _would've bugged me to do it and she'd just chew me out I ended up passing on this moment..."

Merli pouted and turned her head away from him "Goody goody."

Kaito sighed and speed walked over to the boiler room. When he arrived, Korra and the doorman didn't notice him; he grabbed the wrench out of the fat guy's waistband and waited for him to reach for it. Once he did and felt it gone, he turned around to get intimate with the tool.

"Dumbass." Chuckles Kaito before handing the wrench to Korra "You might need this."

Korra smiles and takes it "Thanks for the help. Though I had it handled, you know."

"I know." Replied Kaito "But you can't have all the fun."

Kaito saw something out of the corner of his eye; he started to go after it.

"Where are you going?" asks Korra after she bent the steam

"I've got something to do." He says "I'll meet you back at the island."

"Hey Kaito!"

Kaito turns around to see Korra with a concerned look on her face "Be careful."

Kaito sighed and then chuckled "I will, don't you worry about it."

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

_Kaito had accomplished what he set out for and was now running for dear life. Merli was hanging on to his shoulder for dear life as a raging inferno crawled along everything flammable inside the warehouse._

_He saw a window as the only way out and he hoped that movie logic helped him now, he jumped with his arms crossed in front of him and his face looking down. In fact he imagined himself flying through the window in slow-motion with the sound from the six million dollar man playing in the background._

_All the while Merli was saying things like "Oh Kaito you're so cool!"_

_And Kaito was looking super badassas he frontflipped and sticked the landing. Then he walked slowly away from the building as it exploded not even looking at the explosion._

Oh how pitiful…

Yes, he was dreaming his success was better than getting knocked out as soon as he hit the ground, and Naga doubling back for him.

Lapis was now free and sitting on the tied up mess that was her mischievously evil sister

"This is gonna be a long fic…" she mutters to herself as she starts chugging a mini-sake bottle

**The plot thickens… MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!**


	7. Kaito and Korra's Night Out Part 1

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism

**Usual crap: I OWN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF LEGEND OF KORRA**

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

**I wanted to try something new and put some space between the episodes that don't pick up right where I left off. With these I'll be able to put in some character development for Kaito, Hanako (eventually), and any other OCs that will have recurring rolls. However these are not proper chapters and will be shorter than the average chapter, I hope you like how this turns out and won't bite me in the ass…**

**Korra and Kaito's Night Out part 1**

Kaito's raging headache from the previous night's snafu did not help his current position; the position of having two shoulder conscience beings. To better explain the predicament; having both sides of your conscience on your shoulder most of the time is a major annoyance. He was currently up at midnight with both sides of his conscience arguing loudly. He was tuning them out and didn't really care what they were arguing about but he knew he had to put a stop to it. And what better way to do it then flicking both of them off of his shoulders?

He groaned and let out a sigh "Seeing as how I can't sleep with you two and your constant bickering, could you guys do me a huge friggin favor and do how most consciences do and just poof up when I actually need your input on a crucial decision?"

Merli pulled a _tsundere _move by crossing her arms, closing her eyes and turning her head away from Kaito. "Fine! I didn't even want to be near you!"

She snapped her fingers and sparkly-sparkly-poofed off of his shoulder. Kaito looked down at Lapis and noticed her getting comfortable "I thought she'd never leave, thank you _nii_-_tan_."

"You too."

"What?"

"You. Too."

(Lapis used Puppy Eyes! It's not very effective…)

(Kaito used Fierce Gaze! It's Super Effective! Critical Hit!)

Lapis whimpered and sparkly-sparkly-poofed away leaving behind a note that said "Mean _baka_!"

Kaito let out a sigh of relief and got up to go get a glass of water. He started whistling the Akibaranger theme song to himself and made his way to the kitchen.

He wondered why he couldn't be chi blocked. It seemed rather odd that he wouldn't be affected by those subdual jabs and prods. All it did was give him more time to run like the coward he was.

"I need about eight levels of badass to survive out here…" he sighed to himself "Why couldn't I have gotten some bending out here anyway?"

The author would like to note that he didn't give his self-insert bending because he wanted to let off some steam by some good old fashioned self-depreciation and physical humor. Anyhow, his thoughts shifted to the whereabouts of Hanako, and if she was alright. Then something else hit him; how Skootchy had referred to her as _her _with that italics blazed cocktail of fear and spite. He'd hoped he could take the girl under his wing and be the Watson to his Holmes, or more appropriately the wonderful duo of Colonel Armstrong and Mustang! All he needed was blue military uniforms and some killer biceps that would have been PASSED DOWN THE HAYASHI FAMILY FOR GENERATIONS! Though that joke is only funny if you've actually watch and/or read Fullmetal Alchemist. Moving on!

When Kaito walked into the kitchen, he was shocked to see a very scared looking Korra, with Naga lying down at her chair and an untouched glass of lychee juice in front of her. She was so lost in thought she didn't seem to notice him. He leaned on the door frame and knocked on the counter closest to him, she looked over to him and gave a half-smile

"Oh, hey Kaito…" she says while trying her best to not sound shaken "…What are you doing up so late?"

Kaito sighed and got a cup from one of the cupboards "Couldn't sleep. You?"

She chuckled lightly "Yeah."

"Nightmare?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you have a nightmare?" he asks as he takes a seat across from her

Korra's eyes started to art around a bit "What? Yeah right, nothing scares me." She put on a fake smirk and scoffed

"Really?" Kaito says with a raised eyebrow "So you're saying that a guy who wears a ghost white mask, can take people's bending away, has amassed a small army of disgruntled non-benders, and speaks in a complete stalker voice does not scare you even in the slightest?"

Korra let out a sigh of defeat and held her head in her hands

"Fine!" she says in exasperation "I am scared…"

She let's put a sigh and recounts the nightmare she had. Kaito knew how it went, but he listened anyway. It was crazy how scary Amon seemed to be, even when he went to the rally he didn't actually pay any attention to the guy. Yeah he was a self-hating bigot and he could take someone's spiritual connection to the world from them with force, and he was the head of an army of pissed off muggles. And yet Kaito just saw him as some Hitler-esque genocidal maniac that would sooner make him laugh then wet himself in fear. Kaito chocked up his nonchalance towards a very dangerous individual as pure adolescent cockiness. But this very nonchalance in his mind probed the very fairies he had just dismissed to poof onto his shoulders

"Tell her to grow some lady-balls!" said Merli

"No! You have to comfort her in her time of need, _onii -tan_!" pleaded Lapis

Kaito flicked Merli away and she disappeared in a poof, Lapis nodded and then patted his shoulder "Good choice"

Kaito suddenly had the inspiration and the hope that he didn't screw this up too bad to do something about his gloomy…friend.

"I'll be right back." he told her before dashing off to his room to get his shirt, waistcoat, jacket, socks, hat, shoes, and cape from his room. Once he was fully dressed and ready to go he dashed back to the kitchen and twirled his cape as he entered. "If there's one thing I know about these situations it's that this can only be rectified by a cathartic night on the town and a stop for late night restaurant food."

He held his hand out to her "Whaddya say?"

Korra looked up at him with wide eyes, and then down to Naga who nudged her with her snout. Korra turned back to Kaito and gave him a warm smile. "Only if Naga can come."

"Deal." He says as he pulls her to her feet.

／人◕ ‿‿ ◕人＼

**Yea, there it is. Part 2 will be coming shortly and will feature a shady one-eyed club owner, songs in inexplicable Japanese, and some slapstick comedy at Kaito's expense.**

**One more thing; I've only got one person to respond to my poll for this story. I'm torn between all of those options and I can focus more on the story once the poll gets more answers, please **


	8. Korra and Kaito's Night Out Part 2

The Legend of Korra? Self-Insert Masochism

**I put the author's note at the bottom so you can dig into the juicy meat I've been holding back from you lovely readers. I am currently looking for a beta reader to help out since I'm sure I screwed this one up a tad, if you know anyone whose interested PM me please.**

**Usual crap: I OWN ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OF LEGEND OF KORRA**

ヾ(⌐■_■)ノ

**Korra and Kaito's Night Out part 2**

Korra and Kaito were just riding Naga around the better lit part of town

"Are you going to tell me where we're going?" she asks as Kaito directs where to go.

"Nope." Says Kaito "Turn left here."

They turned the corner and Korra's eyes widened in awe at the sight; Naga even did a double take. In front of the teenagers and polar-bear dog was a noodle stand that said "Narook's Seaweed Noodlery"

With an angelic chorus singing above their heads, the two teens dismounted and slowly walked to the door and walked in, chiming the bell on the way in and smelled fresh seaweed noodles.

The guy behind the counter grinned at them and waved "Welcome!"

A waitress that was sleeping in one of the booths woke up suddenly when she heard the guy at the desk's booming voice. She dashed to Kaito and Korra bowed quickly and panickly said "I wasn't sleeping! Welcome to Narooks!"

Korra and Kaito looked at each other and shrug before letting the waitress take them to their table. The waitress was starting to nod off again but she managed to take their orders and give it to the chef. While they sat in silence, Kaito not really knowing how to interact with members of the opposite gender, who happened to be going through an emotional crisis and be the physical incarnation of the planet itself (or something like that). Surprisingly, Korra was the one who initiated the conversation.

"So..." she started "...you wanna tell me about yourself?"

"Eh?"

"You know, who is Kaito Hayashi?" she says with a cheesy looking detective thinking pose "What makes him tick? Where is he from? That kind of thing?"

And so marked the first ever time the _moe _fairies were needed for an actual moral dilemma

Kaito panicked on the inside and thought to himself, "_What the hell do I tell her? Should I tell the whole truth, nothing but the truth, so help me bob? Or should I just BS it? I mean its not like she'll be able to know right?_"

Merli popped up right on his left shoulder in a cloud of red smoke, she had on a hairband that had horns on it and she was carrying a pitchfork "That's the spirit! What she won't know won't hurt her! Besides, it's not like you actually have a story to tell her!"

Merli let out an evil laugh while Lapis popped up on Kaito's right shoulder wearing a golden halo headgear thingy and holding a harp "He actually does, my evil sister."

Lapis floated up to him and patted him affectionately "Kaito is going to do the right thing."

Lapis then struck a "pointing to the sky pose" similar to a certain tokusatsu hero "After all, he is a man that will walk the path of heaven. Right?"

New demeanor and actually acting like consciences should (as opposed to making complete asses of themselves and bickering) aside, Kaito decide to try and tell the truth (or at least most of it)

The fairies poofed away and Kaito let out a sigh.

"What do you wanna know?" he asked as the waitress set down their drinks

Korra took a sip and set it down "How about, where you're from?"

"Far from here, that's for sure." he says as he nurses the glass of water

Korra gave him a look "Seriously? That's all you have to say?"

Kaito sipped the beverage "Yup."

Korra sighed and tried to think about something else to talk about. Anything to alleviate the awkward silence

"So, what's your family like?" she asks

"You don't wanna know." Kaito replies, in between slurping his seaweed noodles

"Come on, tell me." she teases

"No."

"Come on..."

"Absolutely not." he says

"Please?" she says batting her eyelashes

"No."

"Please?"

"OK."

"Really?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I'd rather not talk about them."

"Why don't you wanna talk about 'em?"

"Because I have a really rough relationship with my parents, OK?"

"And?"

Kaito finally gave up and moved his bowl out of the way so he could start banging his head against it "If I tell you about my parents will you promise me never to bring up he subject of my family ever again?"

Korra chuckled "Deal. Now spill it."

"Well, my parents divorced and remarried. My father's new wife ended up going crazy after popping out three girls, my mother's second husband was a brute and he and I butted heads a lot." Sho said in an annoyed deadpan "Happy now?"

Korra gave him a deadpan sort of look before speaking "Well, what about your biological parents? You left those out."

Kaito sighed "Fine, my dad has considered me an utter disappointment and understands me like an Earthbender understands the concept of subtlety. My mother was overbearing and overprotective while having major mood swings whenever she was near one of her hundreds of allergies."

Korra took a sip of her drink and sighed "Sounds like a dysfunctional family."

"Oh it is." he says as he finishes off his noodles and downs his drink

"Off the subject of family; whaddya wanna do next?" she says

"Go see a movie?" he says, remembering a poster for a movie's in the park event on the way to the noodlery "Heard they've finally got movies with sound playing."

Korra's eyes bugged out in excitement and then scarfed down her noodles and drink before shooting her hand up and shouting "Check please!"

The waitress woke up with a shock and dashed over to the table and left the check. Kaito payed and Korra dragged him out of the restaurant and onto Naga. "So where's the movie playing?"

Kaito blinked twice before saying "The park."

Korra did her usual polar bear dog riding stuff and Naga took off to the ever so happening park. They were going down Dogenzaka when they spotted a few men in suits that were all sprawled out on the ground with looks of absolute terror on their faces as gas masked individuals were closing in on the only suited man standing. Meanwhile there were people running and ditching their cars trying to get out of the way.

Korra stopped Naga and had the same look of fear on her face. Kaito didn't even have to hear Lapis and Merli try to tell him what decision was best, he hopped off of Naga and took off running towards the mob of Equalists with Korra calling after him.

"Just get these people out of here!" he called back

He picked picked up a length of pipe that just happened to be there and charged at the mooks. He had the same arrogant high that was running through his veins the first day he found himself in Republic City. Unlike last time however, he managed to not suck as bad as the first time. He got the drop on them and clubbed three Equalists in three swings, once he got their attention he had to clumsily dodge two bola's and then get disarmed by one that had tried to block his non-existent chi. With the chi-blocker shocked at the ineffective prodding, Kaito gave a wild haymaker to the man's jaw (or at least what he assumed was a man, and what he assumed was the jawline of the mask) it connected and knocked the man to the floor. With four down, the remaining six split their ranks; three after the last man in the suit and the other three after Kaito.

Just then Kaito had some sort of bizarre, far off voice entering his head. It had a nostalgic tone to it that reminded him of someone he held dear at one point.

"_Keep up those dukes, Cactus Jack. Remember to rotate your fist into the punch. Stop squatting you look like you're taking a shit!_"

Kaito shook his head a little as he got into an orthodox boxing stance and moved up to give the closest one several jabs to the gut. Two of his three blows were blocked and then the chi blockers tried to perform their namesake on him. Again, it did not work and merely gave Kaito the opportunity to give several quick jabs to the head. Unlike their comrade, the remaining two Equalists went for a more savage approach to subduing their strange opponent. One gave Kaito a sucker punch to the jaw and the other held him up for the other to wail on him.

Korra had succeeded in getting the bystanders as far away as possible from the fight, She saw how Kaito was getting beaten and didn't see the man in the suit or the other Equalists. She ran forward and earthbent the pavement and launched it at the Equalist who was reaching for the pipe that Kaito dropped. The chunk of rock flew into the chi blocker's chest and dropped him to the pavement. Kaito stomped his foot into the Equalist 's toes and got loose before kneeing him in the groin and then stomping the poor bastard a few times for good measure. Kaito collapsed and sat himself against one of the wrecked cars.

Korra ran over to her non-bender friend and looked him over, checking for any serious wounds.

"Are you OK?" she says with frantic concern

Kaito brushed her hands away "I'm fine, I'm fine. Just roughed up a little" he sighs trying his best to hide the intense feeling pulsing through his body.

Just then they heard slow clapping. Both Korra and Kaito turned their heads to the sound of a slow clap. They turned their heads to the source and found the man in the suit, holding a thin and slender blade with blood on the steel being held by the bend of his elbow.

"Well done..." the man said smugly as he took his blade and wiped the blood off on his red silk tie. He twirled what seemed like a cane in his left hand and then tossed sheathed the blade into the cane, the pommel of the blade sunk into the "cup" and betrayed the weapon's hidden nest. "I've never seen someone who could not be chi blocked, let alone any man who can say they had defeated Equalists without resorting to a weapon or bending."

Kaito looked at the man and noted the youthful face, short and scruffy black hair, and lone azure eye. The man had an eyepatch with a kanji that rearranged itself to translate into "Death". The man had a brought out feelings of dread and primal fear into Kaito, as if this man and his men were meant to be taken away by the Equalists.

The man turned to the Korra and his eye widened in excitement "By all the stars in the heavens."

The one-eyed man twirled and squealed as if he were a giddy little schoolgirl "I have been blessed with the honor of meeting the Avatar!"

Korra chuckled nervously and stepped back a little "Th-that's me..."

The one-eyed man bowed deeply and span to shift his attention to Kaito. "You must be her beloved then?"

Korra and Kaito instantly panicked and respectively said "We're just friends!"

"Nothin' like that!"

The one-eyed man span again and had a sad expression "Well that spoils all of the teasing I had prepared for such a situation. To remedy this you must attend he grand opening of my club tonight as my personal guests! But where are my manners? Allow me to introduce myself; I am Akira Hachiko, manager and owner of several bars, restaurants, resorts, and tonight my first nightclub shall open."

Akira handed the two a pair of business cards that had his name and the address of his (apparently penthouse) offices.

Kaito looked at Korra and saw a strangely excited look in her eye, despite the clear as daylight signals that this guy was batshit insane.

"Well, it's Korra's decision." Kaito says "We were about to head over to the movie in the park, but seeing as how this ordeal happened just down the road from the park, it looks like it'll be canceled."

Akira smiled and looked at the Avatar staring at the business card with extremely deep thought...

**Find out the awesomeness and Korra's decision in Korra and Kaito's Night Out Part 3, (sorry y'all)**

**A/N: I GRADUATED! Sorry I haven't updated anything in like three months, I've been binging myself on League of Legends and Pokemon Soul Silver in anticipation for Pokemon Y (which I pre-ordered several days as of this post). I also managed to watch the comic con reveal on YouTube for Book 2: Spirits. With this new plot in mind, the story of the VERY FIRST AVATAR, the beauty and danger of the Spirit World, and a wiki binge on Devil May Cry, Shin Megami Tensei III, Kamen Rider Kiva, and a little of Evil Dead has brought a sweet plot for the Book 2 segment of the fanfic. I've also made some major changes to accommodate Book 2 and changed my original draft for this chapter to incorporate the new plot and the teasers I dropped in the previous chapter will have to be ignored.**


End file.
